There is something that BOTHERS and IRRITATES me in some of the Ammanite Women; especially the well achieved, smart ones. Who worked hard and actually managed to make it. I mean behind it all I do admire them and that they made it against all the odds… but there is a problem; many of them are bitches! Truly bitches, they work against each other, backstab each other and compete at every level.  As long as no one is better and as long as none of them surfaces higher than the others then everything is ok.  This phenomenon becomes worse when there are younger women in the picture. The typical attitude being ‘Banat akher Zaman think that they can come to our level!’ which translates to the girls of these days think they can come up to our level.

However the phenomenon is seen at all age groups in Amman. Fierce competition, insecurity, especially if they are unmarried, and I am not sure whether marriage has anything to do with it.  Obviously not all of the women are like that… but a lot are!

The thing is women in our society have puzzling attitudes; most women highly value female approval and friendship, relying upon each other for support and understanding. However there is also mistrust, dislike, and cruelty toward each other. We judge each other harshly, hold grudges, and gossip about each other very bitchily.

Let’s look into this scenario. Let’s ask any man to describe a woman. Men will usually make global statements. She’s tall. Pretty. Funny-looking. Women, on the other hand, dissect their subject into tiny fragments: “She’s got beautifully big eyes, but she wears way too much mascara, and her left eye is few micro-nano-millimeters bigger than her right one, but that is not as bad as my nose…..” well if that is not competition, then I don’t know what is?!
 

As some people know, I love the cave man analogy.  I first became fascinated with this cave man thing, when listening to a mathematician. He is  virtually one of the smartest people I know, and he was trying to explain to a common friend why her new born baby had a reflex actions as if he was going to fall down… he related that to the  human- monkey theory, and how when we were monkeys, we fell  from trees! The mother was offended that her cute son was in the same sentence with a monkey, and I thought that this was about the funniest thing I heard at that time of my life, most probably because of the personalities of these people Anyway…moving on swiftly….. Based on this analogy, competition between women is a survival instinct that developed at a very early stage. Women developed jealous feelings from other females to protect the male. Defending the male ensures that the mate stays around to help defend the offspring, and provide meat for the family. Also, it could be explained by natural selection. If a caveman is strong; his children will have a better chance in life. So feeling jealous of the “short skirt bimbo” may be the way of trying to catch the best male, and then keep him, so that the genes live on.

Shall I mention the incidents that triggered all this? Better not, as my grandmother says too many words won’t take nor bring back….I will go watch coast on BBC4… for some odd reason I find the presenter to be very attractive… could it be his long hair?  I wonder…

T. literally spent these days walking between Bond street and Tottenham court Road, which happens to be one of the most famous shopping areas in the world! So YES a woman’s process of redefining herself, definitely includes  a major redefinition of her wardrobe! We turned from residents to tourists with her; we have been walking around London, attending musicals and concerts and posing for pictures in front of every high building!!

On the fourth day, T. confessed that one of the reasons she came here is to think of a marriage proposal that is perplexing her. The guy is smart, successful, ambitious, extremely good looking, funny and from a very good family. There is one little problem though, she feels that he is not in love with her personally, but he is in love the high score she made on his list of requirements. When she explained this, the visual image that was created in my head was rather funny. Here I imagined him sitting with her in a romantic setting explaining his principals in life, asking her questions and ticking on a list in front of him. for some reason I just remembered all those  guys explaining their principals in life to their girlfriends while  walking in the gardens of jame3 il jam3a (the Mosque of the University). I wonder if the gardens still attract these romantic souls?? In our case, the perplexity comes because 3arees il ghafleh! is too good to pass, especially that her parents like him, and she is in the right frame of mind, since all her friends are getting engaged and she feels the social pressure.

I am one of those people who are really unromantic! I don’t believe in fairy tales and happily ever after. I believe that relationships need hard work to flourish, they need wise judgements and  intelligent choices, but in this case I could not help wondering if two people made a very intelligent choice based on a very well defined list of requirements would that bring happiness to them? Would that be enough to ensure that the marriage would be successful? And where should a person draw the line of what is enough and what is not?! Just thought I should share….

I am reading one of the most intriguing studies ever, it is called Tearoom Trade. It is an eye opener to a shocking world I knew nothing about. And here I thought I am a cultured, well read individual… it is funny that being at school is a very humbling experience. It makes a person feel that the more she knows the less she really knows… perplexing hah? time to sleep… it is 2:30 AM and my eyes are closing on their own.

Anyone who knows me would know how much I ADORE public scenes, especially if it was me or someone I know involved. Hania showed up after 10 minutes, and she said hello to the people on the table. Somehow people got mixed up and thought, Hania came with one young lady on the table and could not connect her to me. In a split of a second an understanding passed between hania and this lady and they created a scene! They started pretending that Hania stole this lady’s 12 year long boyfriend and the love of her life. Obviously it is an old story, since Hania has been married for the last 3 years, but the bad feeling were still there! The girl asked Hania, ahh you did not tell your sisters about what you have done? Hania answered that it is part of the past, and that there is no need for them not to be civilized to each other or to hurt each other, the girl answered, “you can’t hurt me because you have already hurt me enough and hania took the knife from in front of the girl and said, yeah, I can’t hurt you but I don’t know what you are capable of!.” They both acted so well, the anger part, the trying to be civilized part, the bitchiness part. I totally believed it and was GREEN!( have you ever seen a green person?)

Obviously, we instantly liked each other very much, which is a very unusual case in women meeting women scenario in Amman. It was so interesting that this phenomenon dominated the conversation of the evening.

Women in Amman have unspoken rules that everyone follows religiously. The main problem here is that there is a very high demand for single guys because mostly guys that belong to a certain class don’t stay here, they are working abroad, but most of the girls from this same social circle are living here. This, alongside with the fact that Amman is a very small place, makes the chances of meeting the “right guy” from very difficult to nil!. All these women managed, collectively, to come up with a set of rules that protects each one’s area. Just like the way lions pee around their territory so that everyone knows this is the lion’s area and KEEP OUT!

For example, everyone belongs to a group here, and women are so possessive about the group they belong to. The biggest Faux pas is to get introduced to a group through one of the single guys there, what will happen? You will get the dirtiest looks you imagine from every direction, your clothes will be trashed, your make up will become vulgar, your unpedicured toes will be highlighted and any very well kept history will be out in the open in the matter of hours! Don’t forget everyone would know someone who knows someone who happened to know about your hidden secret!

Another advise, Don’t ever ever and i mean EVER commit the stupid mistake of asking a girl to take you with her to one of the gatherings of her group, especially if it is the Christmas or Eid event, New Year or any other important event. Because you will get a very bitchy NOO! accompanied with a disgusted look. But in all cases If you are not blond and don’t have straight hair, and don’t like to wear the short pants (3 quarters) you have nothing to worry about because you are uncool!

God,Sometimes I just love being married!