Yesterday Veena joint us a bit late, she was preparing for another exam with someone that she fancies and who is with her in the same class. Last semester they had some sort of fling… she comes from a very respected Indian family where her life was structured by the values of wrong and right and woman respectability and honour and decency… she finally broke free from that  very strict system and decided to give herself a go with this guy.

In the last few weeks, she managed to fall in love with him and he managed to find himself an easy girlfriend who is not as demanding or serious as poor veena. The poor thing just found out yesterday… Veena is one of the most reserved people I have ever met, for her showing emotions is very hysterical and vulgar, and she prides herself at her refined manners… She had few relationships before, but she never showed emotions when they finished… she has a very good reason, she says, she usually likes them, and based on that, ends up sharing maybe a bit more than is accepted by her society.  Usually these boys who come from the same social background are as deprived of emotional attachment as she is… and once they get that kiss, or holding hands.. they move to the next girl… Veena started understanding this and she feels that showing emotions will make her acknowledge that she was used… so she simply pretends that she does not care and that she is also parting that relationship willingly.  The point is we had an animated girlie discussion about what she did when this new guy told her that he is seeing someone else… obviously we started hurling the worst words and descriptions on the guy! and we all were hoping that she hit him…

She told us that she took it very calmly, she finished what she was doing and then gathered her stuff and was ready to leave, the guy was very shocked, as he thought that they were over and he did not think she feels this way about him, so he asked her to stay and to talk about it, and she tried to explain rationally that she is upset and that she does not want to loose her rationality and go hysterical! Which I found really amusing but the guy who is actually a very smart guy, told her that human being are irrational and she could be irrational if she wanted, so she told him that she wanted to hit him… and the guy’s body language immediately goes into the defence mode!  But Veena is not violent and her rational self interfered to save the day to she started crying quietly to our disappointment.

They were both ok about it eventually, they talked about it calmly… she felt better when he explained that he can’t handle a serious relationship now and so he went to an easy one, and that if he was looking for a serious relationship, he would be trying with her! Blablabla… men are really full of bullshit but the argument worked… she instantly felt better and ended up leaving feeling ok…

Veena was very excited about the fact that she cried in front of the guy, that she told him how she felt, she even called him useless!  She felt that she is finally learning how to be herself, how to show emotions, she is finally growing claws! Growing claws comes from a book ny Isabelle Allends called Portrait of Sepia, we both loved this book and we both could related to the book when she told us about her new found experience of showing emotions Her objective is to unleash the irrationality that has been hidden by years and years of learning and training to be a classy lady…I think that even if the incident is very small it really shows that she is changing towards the person she hopes she will become…

I have nothing to say honestly… I simply wrote this because I needed to put my mind away from development and democracy, refugees and immigrants and multiculturalism, human rights and child labour and few other topics. Wish me luck!

I spent literally the whole week writing my paper…. and my brain is fried, and I am tired and I am cold and I am hungry and I am BORED! The good news though is that I am learning how to do a proper research…halleluiah…  I would like to know how my research methodology will help cooking on the stove or maybe in washing the dishes?!

Couple of says ago, I was in the street when this guy approaches me, he looked quite well dressed and I thought he wanted to ask me something. So he says with an exaggerated English accent “ Dahling, I am homless. Can you spare ten pounds?”

I was amused by his audacity, thinking “did I really hear him say ten pounds?” and said “ I can give you 1 or 2, would that work?” so he goes “dahling, youuu ah a doll, do you know what I will do for you? I will give you a kiss! My body has instinctively jumped back, and my hand came directly in front of his face speak to the hand motif and I said Allah yirdah 3aliek bala 2ARAF! And left him standing there, he was shouting behind me  ”dahling, youuu ah a doll… dahling, youuu ah a doll”

Ok on a more serious note Last week our class was about democracy, corruption and development… I went like sheikh il shabab, all ready and prepared to use the Hamas example to prove to those arrogant Brits that they don’t know what democracy is all about… only to find 200% support in class! What a positive disappointment it was…disappointment because all the energy and the arguments I have prepared all week were not needed as people were all with me anyway….  positive because I am impressed at how the citizens of the world think.. That maybe things are not as bad as Arabs think?  an example is cafe loulou ”Seeing Arab in my bathroom mirror”.But wait a sec… here I am drifting again to intellectual blablabla… when I am just not in a very intellectual mood, I am in the mood for a silly girlie movie and a bucket of popcorn and drink pink lemonade and wear the silly pink furry slippers !My potatoes are all done…so get ready cooking, here i come!

When I am preparing a seminar, I don’t maintain that calm pompous dignity with which I face my audience during the seminar! And this IS the problem. I have been becoming aware of how structured and rigid I am. It could be that I come from a business background where time means money and I have to be aware of every minute, or it could be my Arabic thirst to compete and prove myrself and become the best. We all want to be the mudeer, dont we? I definitely don’t think many Europeans need to prove anything, their social system takes care of them. Their health, education and retirement days are taken care of, so many of these people are perfectly happy pushing the same button at work for thirty years, if not more! And unleash the energy in planning their vacations to go to exotic place like hunting in South Africa or backpacking around Europe! and honestly lucky them, i guess this is what makes Europe the great place it is.

Ok picture it… an Arab lady trying to convince two English ladies to do as she wishes, because of course, she is right!…my partners are charming voluptuous Rayenne, who is of French and Brazilian origins but grew up in London, and classy feminine Rahima who is a Bengali and who also grew up here in London. Their methods are loose and unorganized and really don’t get things done! Although very smart and we ended up our seminar with a round of applauds which is not the everyday case. It was hard getting my partners to organize themselves and get down to results without giving them the idea that we Arabs are ruthless, authoritarian, bastards… So I used my best tone that I learnt in social occassions in Amman and used sentences like “I think what you are trying to say is…?” and “if I understood correctly…” replacing sentences like “min 3eini bint 3ammi…” and “tikramou…” or ” inta o2mor…” which are not translatable! I mean if I say you order or from my eye my cousin…i would have got a HA?!!

oh the seminar was about child labour and human rights. … “friends” is on TV, that episode where Brad Pitt is also on the show… does anyone agree that Angelina Jolie is really the one controlling the relationship and he is like a toutou?.. Anyway… mish mawdou3na…

We met one time before, and we agreed to group the class into five categories and have them prepare arguments in their roles. One category is the children, another one is the parents, the third category is the owners of the mine, the fourth category is the government and the fifth one is the international aid workers! And what an interesting contradicting combination of ideas resulted… ifft my head is still swirelling with excitement!

One example I argued , was that the west wants to impose certain ideas on the third world countries, such as democracy, liberty in women clothing and education, which are very nobel but naiive. The west believes that education in the antidote of child labour in the third world, but what about the western children who are targetted as consumers, who are very aware of brands. These children start feeling low self esteem and shame at very early age, because of their families’ inability to buy them stuff like the other kids, so they go work to make little money to be able to afford these things… in this case these children are also forced to work… why is it not considered child labour and is encouraged, while the idea of children who are forced to work because their families will starve otherwise and have absolutely no other way is banned and condemned?? Not that I am defending the idea…but well…

Anyway… I really don’t want to talk about this anymore… I want to make myself a nice warm cup of tea and watch friends… a girl can relax every now and then…. can’t she?

I finally decided to take control of my life, and my first step was to start my Masters degree in Anthropology Community and Youth work. After years and years of confusion and loss and not knowing where I am heading and what I want to do with my life and what is my mission on earth. I found my way.

Today was my first day at school, and boy how exciting it is! I caught myself smiling, I am fascinated with the topics that I am to study: religion, politics, society, racism, terrorism, gender roles, nationality, youth, drugs, sex… have you ever heard of anything more fun?!! … topics that I am not only perfectly capable of handling, but topics that I love, that I enjoy, that I excel in!

I love the school, the people, the professors, the students, the streets, the buildings I am looking forward late night studying, countless cups of coffee that leave you jittery, exams, homework,… I dont know what could a person ask for more in life! I really dont know what you school brats are complaining about!!