January started by losing a lovely Lady. My mother in law passed away after a long and brave battle with cancer. She was a sweet and happy lady, she was full of life and hope. She was a great mother and a great wife.

I had officially met my mother in law in May 2010. We had soon become good friends. Even though our friendship lasted for less than a year, she had accepted me as I am and loved me unconditionally.

Just before she passed away she cooked for me couscous, we ate it the Moroccan way in her winter home at AlGhor. I always have such a fond feeling remembering that day.

Thinking of her brings warmth to my heart every time.

In her memory, I would like to share the song mensch (” Human”). It is an old German song by a famous rock/pop artist Herbert Grönemeyer. Mensch (“Human”). This song was Grönemeyer’s first number-one single in Germany. The mood of the album reflects the recent death of both his wife and one of his older brothers within the same week, and is rich with poetic imagery. In the song Grönemeyer reflects on his own humanity as it relates to feeling loss.
This particular video is a concert by Bono and Grinemeyer.

On January 14, Tunisia’s authoritarian president Zine el Abidine Ben Ali fled the country after 23 years in power as a result of massive popular protests. What a sweet sweet moment!

February: Month of Dignity

If I can single out a day to which I can attribute the making of history, it would be the 11th of February when Hosni Mubarak resigned Office. The whole Arab World was glued in front of our TVs breathlessly waiting for that moment.

I am not sure how to express the impact of that glorious moment on our world. That moment was the embodiment of the powerful Tunisian Poem, ” If the people Ever wanted to live” for Al Sayyab. This poem soon became the symbol all the Arab revolutions, which started in Tunis on December 18th 2010.

Youth in the Arab world took the streets and fought for freedom. It was not about poverty, hunger, marginalization, corruption, oppression or disenfranchisement. It was about regaining dignity. This year will be engrained in our memories forever, because it brought us hope.

And this was only the beginning. To date, there have been revolutions in Tunis and Egypt, which led to the fall of both presidents, a civil war in Libya resulting in the fall of its government and the death of a mad Tyrant Ghaddafi. Uprising in Yemen resulting in the resignation of the Yemeni prime minister; The Arab springs included protests in Bahrain, Algeria, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Morocco, Oman, Lebanon, Mauritania, Saudi Arabia and Sudan and finally a revolution in Syria.

As always the price of freedom is very high. According to USA news Death toll up until November:

Syria: 5000
Yemen: 250
Bahrain: 30
Libya: 30,000
Egypt: 900
Tunisia: 300

I think the least we can do is to observe a moment of silence for these people who paid the price, so that we can breathe the air of freedom

Here, I would like to share a song for Al Sheikh Iman called “ I am the people- ana Al sha3b“

March: Trouble

Trouble came home. This month created a shift in the atmosphere. Up until then, the government did not know what to make out of what was happening in the region. In March and after the tragic events of March 24th, security forces took the streets and managed to create a horrible rift between the reformist and the loyalists. It is the months that witnessed all the fake pop nationalism… as if wanting to improve our country makes a person not patriotic?! I don’t know…

Picture by Lina Ejeilat

April: Wedding and Venice
I met Nas in May 2008. I won’t get into the details, but I will share how excited I was about meeting the Black Iris. It took me six months to understand the extent of my admiration for this man, and it took me three more to realize that I wanted to spend my life with him.
I don’t know what the future is holding for us, but I embrace my new life with so much faith, hope and many many aspirations… we finally got married in April, amidst all the chaos… but, as I said before, love becomes more acute in times of turmoil.

By the way Venice is as beautiful as they say!

I leave you with life-ning, I think it is probably the sweetest song I head this year. But snow Patrol have alwys had sweetest songs.

May: Living the vida loca!

Well, ok… maybe  i am  exaggerating slightly here ! But in May we moved into our house, and our journey as home owners started… I am still struggling with creating a balance between my career, my marriage and my family…

Truly, no amount of fun would come close to shopping for the house… it is the ultimate pleasure! I can think of one or two things more… but seriously living an independent life is seriously fun!

June: Nothing to report!

But i will leave you with Adele’s song Set Fire to the Rain, a song that i was addicted to, last year (wow, 2011 is already last year!!!)

July: 7iber

7iber is my home, I would always be in different places, but 7iber will always be with me. I guess the 7iber team is composed of very special people, which makes all the difference.

I continue to do accounting, which is still something that I enjoy tremendously. This year we started the hashtag debates, a forum that gets people together along with a couple of speakers to speak. I really enjoy it, and will try to become better at it.

In July, we went to a camp in ajloun along with around 25 people. It was so relaxing and inspiring. I loved it. I can’t say more than I love them… They are my true lovely friends.

August: Losing my grandmother

My grandmother passed away in August… it was too painful to write about losing her then, and it still is… I will only say one thing… she was an amazing amazing woman…an example of how powerful and strong women can be…

In her memory I would like to listen to the song amazing… in a parallel world, I think she would have appreciated it.

Amazing

September: World Bank and the IMF conference
This probably was the most intellectually stimulating exercise of the year. I was invited to the IMF annual conference. The conference was eye opening for me, I learnt a lot.

The world bank and IMF main objectives thus far were to encourage world leaders to become part of a vast network that promotes US commercial interests. Eventually leaders become trapped in debt that ensures their loyalty. This is reflected in control of UN votes, the installation of military basis, access to precious resources such as oil…etc. In our first meeting, Jeremy Mark, Deputy director at th IMF, said that when a country receives AID, it must surrender some of its sovereignty to the IMF.
In Jordan, they played a major role in removing subsidy on bread and oil. They tampered with the Social security laws and they were behind the constant increase in taxes. It was their way for securing their money will go back to them (this is described in very simplistic terms) in other countries their work led to destruction of rain Forests, pollution, disappearance of cultures, increased poverty rate around the world, environmental disasters to name a few.

This visit made me want to know more. I started reading the book “confessions of economic hit man” which is a truly good book.

On a different note, I truly enjoyed Dc, especially that my parents were with me. We walked a lot and bonded. I needed it after moving out a few months earlier.

I leave you with Linkin park’s what i’ve done

October: Zia, Jerusalem

Baby Zia was born this month, she is the first baby girl in our family… she looks like me well at least i think so. Looking at her, I knew I am forever in love! Zia is the 6th niece… the five before her are extremely naughty boys! But we love them all the same.

During October, I went to Jerusalem. It was a life long dream that was finally fulfilled this year… I think there is no place quite like Jerusalem… It was, is and forever will be in our hearts.

November: Celebrating Friendships

The highlight of November was the 10 day vacation… it came in a very needed time. I can’t explain how good I felt about staying home. We spent a couple of day at Al Ghor with some friends. And I realize that these simple pleasures are what give life its flavor. The person I would like to celebrate this year is Sarah, who had recently become a mother… It is very sweet to watch her interacting with her son. She is a lovely woman who manages to make me smile whenever i see her.

December: The great women of Ruwwad
Ruwwad, Ruwwad… I will not say anything here, I will simply dedicate this song to the beautiful young women of Ruwwad… they are all full of life and hope.

Paradise is a nice song for all the women who expect the world

A couple of weeks ago, at Dardashat, we tried to explore the issue of “value systems”. Lately, I am convinced that, in Jordan, we have a “crisis of values”. Anyway, we came up with different controversial scenarios and got our youth to analyze them in groups… we, then, chose some scenarios to be discussed in public. One of the scenarios was about a young woman whose brother sees her talking to a guy at the university. He starts watching her, only to discover that there is a platonic love relationship going on there. The scenario is complex, but it ends with the brother losing his temper one day and beating his sister brutally. A hypothetical scenario that is inspired by real life stories we deal with every now and then.

What I found interesting was that there was a lot of division in the group on the issue of abuse… some thought it was acceptable and some did not… but what I found fascinating was a comment by a young man telling us that most women in that group condoned the violence that took place in the scenario. They thought the girl deserved it… The student felt that women were harsher in their judgment than men. Many reasons were given, including respect, betrayal, family values, culture, traditions…needless to say, it was a thought provoking session.

The comment was casual, I did not expect it to linger…but it stuck in my head…day in and day out, it came back to me…it almost felt as if the comment dislodged a pebble that was buried deep in my subconscious… and for two weeks, I have had the strangest feeling that I was trying to remember something, but was not sure exactly what it was.

It hit me yesterday… a realization that is… women do condone violence against other women. For thousands of years, Mothers and sisters were standing by watching their daughters and sisters suffer abuse in silence. Many did not do anything to change it, some could not do anything to change it. However, some go as far as condoning it. I found an online study that shows that 42% of Qatari women condoned domestic violence in 2007. I found another study that shows that 87% of women condoned domestic violence in Jordan in 2004…. I guess Emad Hajjaj was as shocked by the numbers that he created a cartoon about it.  There is an improvement… but the numbers are still staggering.

Before delving into exploring real stories I would like to pose a question to a few women around me… do women condone violence against other women? And if so, why do they? In a state of no rights, where people grow up in a culture and education system that does not promote the the respect of human rights… and where, the louder you are, the stronger you are, the more right you are.

 Heba, 29

 “In some cases, women deserve the punishment, therefore other women ignore the punishment.”

 Hana, 23

“They condone violence, because they are used to it”

 Layla, 42

“Fear of divorce or scandal. Women often don’t have a place to do and so chooses not say anything”

 Hana, 24

“women often justify violence against other women. It really depends on the culture. But most probably violence is accepted”

 Ala’a, 21

“ I would not condone it, I would fight it, because my brother makes mistakes too.”

 Suad, 20

“women feel that it is the man’s right to beat the woman”

 Sana’a, 20

“Women let it happen, don’t try to stop it out of fear, they feel that if something similar happens to them, no one will defend them, so they accept their fate silently.”

 In this context, I would like to share the stories of two women… Let’s call them Nina and Salma. (Some of the facts in the stories were changed in order to protect their identities) I shared these stories in different contexts before, however they come to mind to make a point.

Nina is an old friend. She is someone who played a key role in my life around 10 to 15 years ago. Nina grew up in the US. When she hit a certain age, the family decided to come back to Jordan. She was a very free spirited person. However there was some mysterious darkness about her. We were close friends, and the more I knew her, the more I realized there was something I could not understand… one day she told me her life was in danger, I immediately assumed she was seeking attention, she was the type. But she showed me bruises all over her body.

I pushed her to tell me what was going on, and she admitted that her maternal grandfather was sexually abusing the girls in the family. The thing is, it was a dark secret that was known to every family member but no one spoke about it. When Nina became restless and could not shut up anymore, her mother decided it was time to shut her up. At some point, the mother was asking her brothers to kill her in order to preserve “the family honor”. Nina had enough wit to save her own and her sister’s life…They survived that difficult patch and ended up leaving the country with the support of many good individuals. Nina’s relationship with their family has been sour ever since her mother tried to get rid of her.

Nina’s mother is a woman who stood by watching her daughter being abused by her father in silence… she did not only try to stand up for or stop it, but she tried to shut her up in order not to stop it herself. In the process of leaving the country, Nina was consulting a counselor. In one of the visit he told us something I thought was interesting. “Most probably the mother was abused herself, he could not stop it as a girl and so she accepted it in silence, in her mind she wonders if I could accept it, why can’t my daughter?” in another session, he addressed Nina’s anger towards her mother by explaining that the mother did not hate her, she wanted to get rid of her, because she could not deal with her own failure to protect her….

Salma’s mother on the other hand moved heaven and hell to protect her daughter from a similar fate. Salma’s brother was fiddling with her mobile phone when he found a message that he could not fathom…it was from a man! In the absence of the father, the brother went to his uncles to rally them to protect the “family honor”. The mother told the family that she would burry them one by one, starting with the brother if they went as far as touching one hair on her daughter’s head. Salma survived. The family could not commit their heinous crime against the daughter because of the mother. They could not dare.

Truthfully, I believe self preservation; fear and other complex feelings kick in to stop women from protecting their womenfolk. However, I also think that sometimes women feel that these crimes are justified. I believe that number of crimes would definitely decrease if women stopped condoning crimes and started standing up for themselves and their daughters and sisters.

On that note, I leave you in peace… and the hope that we, women, would be grated enough wisdom to admin our weakness and enough strength to change them.

There is no way I could have imagined that we would end up getting married three years later! I am sure if I knew that, I would have been super tense, I would have blabbered… actually , to be honest, i don’t know what i would have said!

It took me six months to understand the extent of my admiration to this man, and it took me three more to realize that I wanted to spend my life with him.

I don’t know what the future is holding for us, but I embrace my new life with so much faith, hope and many many aspirations… I will stop now. I am emotional as it is. It is my last day home and my day is full of different treats by friends and loved ones…

Designed by Mohamed Qaq

Worse yet, I could not talk about it to anyone. People did not understand, as everyone I know has been doing this all their lives. The only person I could talk to is (ironically) my boss. She was a brilliant listener; she provided constant support and encouragement. She was sympathetic and helpful, she charmed me into staying.

With the job, I became aware of human rights in the labour field, I understood the role of unions, and felt sad that we don’t have proper unions. I became aware of all the ways, the job can be misused and all the sacrifices and humility people have to make in order to keep their bread.

I leave you with Linkin Park’s Wretches and kings

February: Jabal Natheef
Ohh Jabal Natheef, Jabal Natheef, and What do you know about Jabal Natheef?!

Jabal Natheef became part of my daily route. Today, my car knows how to go there alone!

I will always be indebted to Jabal Natheef for reminding me of the true meaning of being a human being, also for humbling me.

It is the home of abuse; drug abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse… and it is the home of family values and innocent love, of brilliant young people, of so much untapped potential. It is the home of real people who have not been spoiled by the world of materialism, fakeness and emptiness.

In February, I started meeting the neighbors, who actually know each other. I started meeting parents who give up everything for their children; I met students, who never ceased to amaze me.

A tent in Jabal Al Natheef, blocking the street. A true display of selflessness and citizenship.

I no longer feel it is a bad thing to block a street. I was so judgmental thinking that. Today, I think of it as a creative solution to an unsolvable issue… lack of public spaces!

March: unexplored potential
It is in March that I got to the core of youth work. I have been working in this field for a while, but never in this capacity. Until March, I chose the easy way out, nice projects here and there… travel, fun… I did not want to get into real issues, real empowerment.

In March things changed, I said that our youngsters never ceased to amaze me; It is through their intelligence, their thirst to learn and their creativity.

I have many stories to share… but I select an expression of frustration that Abdallah chose to represent his feelings towards the world’s status quo. Those were his feelings towards Flotilla, which would take place a few months later.

I am an Arab and Arabs have imposed silence upon themsleves!

Linkin Park’s Robot Boy

April: 7iber

7iber  is my home, I would always be in different places, but 7iber will always be with me. I eat 7iber, I drink 7iber, I breath 7iber. While working with our youngsters, I also work with 7iber…

I have been doing things in the background. For example accounting! I realized that I liked accounting! Some people might know that I graduated in computer science… it is a secret, more like a scandal… since I don’t know much about it!

By April, I realized that in a dark place in my brain, I picked up accounting… it was something we had to learn during our computer science years… it stayed buried somewhere… or to put it more accurately. It was like a pebble that was dislodged… I found it when the time was right. And I love it!

May: zuz and family
My Brilliant nephew turned 7. Zuz is a young gentleman, who loves Ben 10 and power rangers. He can add two two-digit- numbers without using paper and pens (I can’t add two two-digit numbers without a calculator!) and loves to tell silly jokes! He still did not enter the szanakha age. So we will enjoy him until then.

He has been a constant source of joy and happiness to our Family along with all the other nephews. May God protect all of them from all harm.

June: Celebrating six years of blogging
I will always be proud that I was the seventh blogger in Jordan. Blogging has been very important to me. Through blogging I found friendship, I found my career path, my different hobbies and passions. It forced me to examine my surroundings, question my environment and to want to know more about the world. I met great people through Jordan planet and now 7iber. However, I think the most important thing I found through blogging is love ( as in all the meanings that this word could possibly entail)

Reflections on blogging

July: Spain and Family time

I found an old post about Spain, I would like to share here:
Spain with its mystical weather mixed with the fresh earth’s smells after a night of rain, the beauty of Ortensias, Camilias and Callas and the rhythms of Paco de Lucia and Luz Casal totally gripped my soul! ….I AM FOREVER IN LOVE.

Spending my evenings in taverns where Argentinean medical students played the bosa nova in its absolutely sensual sounds, or at the house of my uncle Se (or commandant Rogelio) as I like to call him, discussing deep theological ideas with him.  He, who thinks of himself as atheist after thousands of years of religion abuse … to read more

August: Ramadan

Nothing much to report here, the month of spirituality… I love Ramadan’s peacefulness and I love that it is in this month that I become a nocturnal creature… I love the serenity I feel especially when it is quiet, and everyone is asleep and the world looks so fresh as if it was just created a moment ago.

September: Turkey and the U2 Concert

I fulfilled a life dream in September. I attended a U2 concert with the 7iber gang. I can safely say that it was one of the most spectacular shows I have ever been to. The band’s thirty years of experience showed very clearly on the stage through Bono’s charismatic and energetic performance.

The trip itself was amazing, we worked, we bonded, we loved turkey and we became better friends!
One of the most memorable moments of the trip for me was that after the concert, which was very far from our hotel, and there were no buses or public transportation. The only way to get anywhere was through auto stopping. We distributed ourselves in two groups and managed to find a ride. The guy, with whom the other group went seemed like a strange dude.

Our car arrived after what seemed a long long  time, the driver and his wife were a generous and sweet couple, but they lost their way, and we arrived late to our designated meeting point.  We arrived, but the other car was not there…they were not answering their cel phones…and after half an hour I completely freaked out!

But thank God, they arrived safely. He left them somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and they found a taxi and met us…. man that was scary!

I can’t believe I was there!

October: Engagement
I met Nas on May 2008. When I met him, I could not imagine what the future would hold for us. On October 2010, we finally got engaged in a small event with close family and friends. The engagement marked a new beginning towards a future that I am excited about.

I won’t say much about Nas, except that I now believe that love keeps us kind!

November: PSUCT university board

I need to say that I always claimed that I am the victim of the Jordanian education system. I always felt the education was beneath me! I could never articulate this properly, as a matter of fact, I never realized that this was the reason for my unhappiness at school until middle school, when I met Miss Rashida. She is my Tunisian French teacher. Actually, Rashida might not even remember who I was, as she only stayed one semester at school. But in her classes she connected us to the world. She told us about Dante’s inferno  and its relation to Abu Al Ala’a Al Ma’ari , about the fight for women rights in Morocco  about W. Somerset Maugham The Razor’s Edge book and road of self discovery. I realized that I looked forward to her classes.

Now to get back to Princess Sumaya University  I ended up going to PSUT. I did not like education there, because it lacked humanities, (which I was into, but due to our fabulous tawjihi system, could not do anything about). However the university gave me the opportunity to go to the University of Illinois Urbana Champaign. And that changed me forever.

I always felt indebted to the university, I kept contact. Eventually in November they asked to be on the board! I can’t express how happy I was… I truly felt it was an honor to be able to give back to the university and all the students there.

December: 7iber and friendships

I can’t say more than I love them… They are my true lovely friends. They force me to check my email on daily basis!

Happy New Year I leave you with Linkin Park’s Irediscent. May 2011 bring peace and prosperity to the world. May it always bring self awareness for those who need it. 

Moment 4

At the moment, I was shocked… I mean, it was still Ramadan, and I was in a hurry to get home… I was standing in Aman Allah (the safety of God)… not bothering anyone and not bothered by anyone… and BOOM. Out of nowhere, an extremely fast driver upsets my daily routine for weeks and weeks.

The first thought I had was “what a nightmare?” I was not aware that the nightmare was about to start. The car needed work in three sides; they could not find the right parts. Worse yet I had to struggle with the insurance company.

Even though I pay for a comprehensive insurance plan and my insurance company did not have to pay a penny, they were not supportive. They assigned an agent for me, who took the whole matter in his hands without bothering to clarify what they were doing… after weeks of taxi abuse… I gave up and went to visit my company… I was angry and shouting… it helped. They speeded the process and I had to go to the other company to finalize the process and sign, in order to take my check.

As I was waiting there, trying to explain to the insurance company that I was there only to sign, while they were pretending that they never heard of me or my accident… an agent unprofessionally admitted that they had stopped the other car’s insurance after his accident with me.

He told me that the guy had a problem; he tended to blackout as he drives… he was in 14 accidents before me… once he drove into a building, once in a truck, once he hit a woman… he simply blacks out and drives into things… so it sounded like he blacked out and he hit me…

I was truly surprised… why would the insurance company turn a blind eye on such a hazardous driver for 14 accidents, knowing what they know about him? My first feeling was that they should have notified someone at the first accident and informed him that this guy should not even drive… but I guess insurance companies don’t care as long as the person pays…

Why do you think that they stopped his insurance, is it because they are worried that he will kill someone? … Nah… the agent told me:” this guy costs us a lot…… bala mu2akazeh, the five hundred he pays is not worth the money we have to spend repairing the damage he causes. “

Maybe, just maybe, when someone gets killed, someone will bother to notify the concerned people to withdraw this guy’s car. Because as of last month, he has joint another insurance company and drive into other 14 things…but until someone dies, he will go on driving… and I wonder again: what is the value of a human life here? Not much… not much at all.

I must warn you guys that i am writing this with the most difficulty. To start with, I am staying at a farm in the middle of nowhere. Secondly, Internet is a rare commodity in these areas and thirdly the keyboard i am using is a veteran from World warI. God bless it, for still working.  Fourthy, EVERYTHIN is in Spanish! So today my spelling mistakes must be forgiven!

The farm is a heavenly heavenly HEAVENLY spot! It stands on a flat spot and is surrounded by miles of green meadows. Ohh it belongs to my grandmother. It is nice to spend time with the family… they are all the same, but a bit bolder and bit greyer..

They have chicken and horses and dogs…in a nearby farm ( a few kilometers away) they have cows and pigs! We have to be quiet around pigs because they are sensetive. Around, you smell the smell of earth, mixed with shit and farmenting plants… Seriously,  What more chic was I hoping for?

I am so relaxed, I forgot all about the work, and the stress of serving 170  studnets on a daily basis… I now believe that Heaven must be a place where no phone nor computers  exist. I hope they have different ways of communication there. I am hoping telepathy?

By theway, I realized how spoilt we are in Amman, we are living in a bubble of materialism, consumption and services  that we forgot how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life… such as cleaning, and cooking and living…simply living.

Anyway, I  need to log off, my daily buisness is to get the frech eggs. It is almost time for breakfast  So  will try to write as often as i can.

One last thing… i have never seen so much water in one place (put aside big rivers and seas…) but in a home I mean. There is a small stream running in the farm!

Hens are calling so till later.

The story goes like this:

When i started blogging I was so far from home.  I felt alone and isolated. Natasha Tynes, a childhood friend, and a passionate journalist since the early years, told me about blogging, and asked me to write about my experiences while traveling… for months, she was my only reader and commenter. Bless her; she has always been a supportive friend. 

On the 27^th Of July, a few weeks later, I received two comments from a new commenter… Ahh the happiness I felt … I realized instantly the irony of the situation, an anonymous commenter had just validated my existence…  I never knew who those people were, but I am thankful to them.  Without their comments, my life would have taken a completely different turn.

Blogging has been very important to me. Through blogging I found friendship, I  found my career path,  my different hobbies and passions.  It forced me to examine my surrounding,  question my environment and to want to know more about the world. I met great people through Jordan planet and now 7iber.   However, I think the most important thing I found through blogging is love ( as in all the meanings that this word could possibly entail)

Reflections on blogging

February: Armenia
In February, I got to visit a truly exotic place. Armenia… Outside the boring meetings, I got to visit the harsh mountains, be a tourist in charming Yervan and learn about the history, Ararat mountain, the culture, the food… In the evenings, we played games that we used to play as children such as (names, animals, countries all start with one letter)… looking back, the trip was not as bad as I felt then.

On my way back, my flight had a technical problem and I thought I was going to die… I sat straight in a yogi position, transmitting a “I will survive” signal to the universe a la “The secret” motif! I did not want to travel for a while after that, but then March rolled in and I could not resist the temptation of London.

March: London
I was invited to speak in a conference in London… In the last slide I told my audience about the most searched for term in the Arab world… can you guess what it is?

Even though I lived in London for 3 years, during last March, London finally made sense to me. I walked and walked and walked. I finally connected all the dots on the map. Because of this trip, I know where Covent Gardens is in relation to Trafalgar Square, and I know where Piccadilly Circus is in relation to Oxford Circus, and I know how to get from the strand to Leicester Square on foot. As I walked, I recalled Asia’s trip in London. Asia from the book “In the Eye of the Sun”.

April: Citizen in My City
The month of hard work and acknowledgements. My project of two years was coming to an end, to my sadness. I knew I was going to miss it because it was one of the richest projects I had managed throughout my career in sustainable development. The project got a regional recognition during April. Aljazeera made a reportage about it in a program called عزم المبادرة(I can’t find it online) and the LBC made another reportage in a program called Europa Jaratuna.

May: France
A trip to the south of France as part of a Jordanian delegation to exchange on citizenship. Whoever said that the french “Provence” is  one of the most colorful places on earth was right! The light there is amazing, the food is brilliant, the art is superb…. I seriously enjoyed the cities, the markets, the sea, the people, the shopping, the scenes…

Vive La France

June: Camil
Little camil blessed us with his entrance to the world… what can I say about Camil? his curious eyes and ready smile, make him a true bundle of Joy.

July: Germany
Another great youth program in Germany. It was musical, artistic and creative. The highlight of this one was spending time with my cousin Mais, who accompanied me there. Her intelligence, sweetness and love will always move me.

We created a rap song! It was a cool video that I could not upload because of the great Internet connection in Jordan. This picture was taken in the City hall. The mayor is a smart, witty and classy lady.

August: Youth of Jordan
In August I finally conquered the youth scene in Jordan… I was part of a project that worked on developing criteria for youth centres in Jordan.  I visited many youth centres in different cities and towns… I know one thing for sure, if serious changes don’t take place, we will be screwed.

This  is how it looks like! (I particularly like the little boy on the right… I think he must be saying to himself… ohh boy!)

September: Ramadan
Finally we got to chill in September. Ramadan was sweet this year, I am not sure I can remember a Ramadan that I enjoyed as much as this one…During Ramadan, I started becoming closer to Reem. Reem’s kindness and capacity to nurture is unique, her determination to give and achieve and deliver is simply impressive. But what makes her special to me, is that I have finally found my twin sister when it comes to absent mindedness…

October: Work
October was a tough month in terms of work. I am not sure I worked as much as I did in October for a really long time. But the work ended successfully. I learnt a few things during the project, which is always a good thing. When i say work, i mean a number of projects, among which is 7iber, which has been something that I love and appreciate dearly.

November: Cairo
I got to go to Egypt (I was there when the legendary Algeria, Egypt game took place). I knew this game was going to mark the beginning of a new era for the Arab world.

December: Beirut/ Research
Beirut left an impression on me. I had a great time with some of my favorite people. We also had a good discussion about the research that we have been working on last year. The research is about emerging E-identity of Jordanian youth… and the results are exciting. I am sure, we will share them soon.

With this post I say good bye to 2009, which was a good year for me Hamdulilah. I see myself waiting for 2010 with so much hope.

Happy New Year Everyone

The hospital is full of people who have come to visit teta.  The first thing you see when you walk in the long corridor is that people have poured into the corridor out of the room.  It is almost surreal!

I always thought that we are a small family, I often joked that we are so few, we won’t fill a bus.  Oh boy! how wrong I was. 

Modernity and family ties

First thought that occurred to me during last few days is  that I have not seen most of these people during the Eid, even though it was .. what…less than a month ago?   As a matter of fact, I have never seen at least half of the guests.  It hit me that people in our culture don’t share other people’s happy occasions; they share their sad ones only.  Ya3ni, I have never seen most of these people’s in family weddings for example (my analysis is that this is an economical issue;  happy occasions are more expensive, so people keep guests at minimum.  Sad occasions, on the other hand are cheaper, how much do they cost? dark coffee?)

The second thought that occurred to me is that modernity has affected our communication skills so severely, that we no longer talk each other… and consequently, we have no ties with our communities.  

I was examining those who came to the hospital, and their relations to my grandmother.  Among the relations are the following:  her sons and daughters,  their spouses, her grandchildren, their spouses, her daughters and sons in laws’ brothers and sisters, and their spouses,  in some cases their cousins and their spouses.  Her grandchildren’s in laws (including sisters and brothers  and parents in law) her cousins, their spouses,  their spouses families,  her nephews and nieces, their spouses,  their spouses families.  Her husband’s cousins and their spouses. Her sisters and brothers’ in laws,  her sisters and brothers daughters and sons in law and their families. 60 years worth of neighbors, friends and their families (daughters, cousins, daughters in laws… etc.)

The thing is I realized that I don’t know most people who have these relations to me…   and if I know them, I have never put any effort to maintain such relations…  it is modernity, it is that we no longer inter-marry, and we don’t live near each other…  it could be many many reasons…  but the main thing is that I realized that we lost something very valuable…  communities.

On a different note, teta is hopefully better,  the left side of her face is still  hanging slack, she still can’t move, and she keeps coming and going in consciousness… she is with us a minute and in a far away land another,  she talks to me as if we are cooking, while she is laying in bed…

Hope she will get better.

 On Thursday night, she was perfectly ok, and in a split of a second on Friday morning, we almost lost her.

 Teta has been mentioned in many posts.   Mostly, because of her controversial character; she is the matriarch, the sun that stands at the center of my family’s universe.  She is the kind of person that you can’t ignore; you must acknowledge her presence if you come across her.  And that I do.

Since my dad is the eldest son, she has moved to live in with us a few years ago.  At the beginning she shared my room. When I reached a point of either going crazy or committing a crime I moved out of my room into a state of homelessness.  I got my own room two years ago.

Teta is not chic in anyway… she is oblivious to the fact that other people live with her, and does as she wants without even wondering if what she does affects other people. She interferes in things that have nothing to do with her, and asks the most embarrassing questions in the most inappropriate times, as if it is the most normal thing in the world… and I can’t help but be amused by her incorrectness.

 But this is not all.

My grandmother is the ultimate queen of manipulation … she ALWAYS gets what she wants, I sometimes feel squashed under her constant demands and her unstoppable nagging.   If she wants something; it seems that it is the only thing in the world that really matters.  So usually the whole family ends up succumbing to her demands, if only to stop her. 

Among her tools are:  sulking, brooding, huffing, and taking the family in torturous guilt trips, dropping casual hints about the days, her sons and daughters were born and how painful that was! 

Yesterday, I stood outside her room at the hospital and watched her frail body.  A sense of love swept over me.   My tiny ferocious grandmother; she has always had the ability to shake her world and change it to shape it as she saw fit.  She has never allowed anyone to make her feel inferior because of her gender, even though she was not allowed to go to school because of her gender.  She has always spoken with so much confidence, reducing her illiteracy to a tiny insignificant obstacle. She has always been many things… but strength is the one constant attribute in her character.

 Hope you get better soon teta!