Last Saturday, a bunch of youth came to the organization, moslty because they were bored to death by their exams… They asked me to facilitate a conversation to answer the question de jour “ love or money?”

We organized the seats in a circle, but they naturally took two sides. Boys on one side of the room and girls on the other side… it was  going to turn into one of those classical gender conversations.  They were all ready to attack…

Here are some of the quotes I managed to capture.

Oh… they are all between 19 and 22 and I have not used their real names!

Fadi: “Love that brings money!”

Sana “You can’t have both.. life is about either money or love”

Riham: “what kind of logic is it that dictates for you to live penniless (tafran), only to love… it is not worth it”

Maher “ if she is not rich, then she must  be pretty… otherwise it is a waste of time and resources.

Bana: “ Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Beauty is relative… the physical beauty is not everything. she might not be rich nor very pretty, but nice, decent, smart and respectful.  Or simply makes you laugh…. It depends on why you  choose to marry”

Rami “ you who took the monkey for his money, the money goes and the monkey stays the same!”

Basem: “ every guy knows why he is with his girl. It could be for fun or for marriage. I think that everyone should decide why they are with a certain person.  I had a girlfriend once. I loved her, but she was rich. I broke up with her, when she picked me up one day… I thought to myself, why am I on the right side of the car?  I knew that it was because I was sitting in her car. I asked myself what would happen if I go to ask for her hand for marriage, what would her father tell me?” I knew that the right thing to do was to set her free.

Mais: “I would love a man and support him even when he is penniless.”

Nour “ The question is very black and white. If I love someone, he must be the type that will get out of his poverty by hard work. So no worries… Love is important and so is the money… I don’t see why it should be and either or question”

Bana: “ I always think that if he does not have a house, where would I raise my kids? I don’t want my kids to grow up in a situation where I can’t provide them with their basic needs… so yes it is both…

Tamer “ ”Money is very important. God says in the Qura’an that money is the embellishment of life. However, we all know that money will come one day when we start working… so I think we should choose for love, because money will come eventually.”

 So what do you guys think?

…. I spent at least half of my life believing that there is one person for each one of us. I blame this idea that was planted in my head at an early age on a conversation I had at a very early age with a friend that I looked up to at that point of my life.  This friend said once in a moment of lucidity that we only have one true friend and we only have one true love.  Since I was gullible and easily impressionable, and the words came out of my mentor’s lips from all people, I lived years and years not only believing intensely in that idea, but fighting for proving it is right!  Ironically this friend’s life has been the perfect example of the opposite extreme!  His lifestyle is the proof that this nice idea is only a nice idea!  He has been going out steadily with at least 3 “fiends” because he hates the term girl friend and these “friends” not only know about each other, but somehow they managed to become best friends! With time my friend stopped believe in marriage, he does not think that one person can satisfy all his needs…. But I won’t get into this today. This is worthy of a post on its own!

Couple of years ago, I was talking to a mathematician friend, and I was arguing passionately that we only have one true love, and this friend went into a calm logical explanation that this is mathematically impossible, as there are 6 billion people on this earth and the probability that we fall in love more than once is simply more than 1!!! And I had no other option but to see the error of my ways!

These three conversations came to my mind today in my trip from Aqaba to Amman where I spent it being amused by May Ziadeh’s confused love stories. May was in love with 3 different men. A German guy, with whom she had a brief thing, but he disappeared from her life at a later stage and she ended up going to Germany few times to find him.

Gibran Khalil Gibran, with whom she corresponded for more than 25 years.  The stories say they have never met, although one rumour was that they met once, for one whole night, where they spent it talking على ذمة the person who came up with the rumour. Gibran on the other hand had a very busy love life that was characterized by a series of intense affaires with different partners. At the same time he was corresponding with May, sometimes very emotional and romantic letters, he was seriously dating a woman in Boston, having affaires left right and centre, with several girls and corresponding seriously with another lady!

So since their love story was only platonic it never crystallized into anything concrete, they loved each other without really loving each other. There was no passion, obviously since they never met and if the rumour was true they only spent one night together, that was not passionate enough because it never led to any other nights.  There was also no commitment what so ever because of his bohemian lifestyle and her strict feminist views and belief that love must lead to marriage other wise it is not love at all.  Beside the fact that they both were in love with other people. And whether in my idealistic phase or in my cynical one, the one thing that remains unchanged is that relationships without passion is not the kind of love I am talking about here.

The third man in her life was Abas Mahmoud il Aqad. A man that was the object of my fantasies since I was very young.  His dark skin and good looks, his defiance to the school system that he never finished, yet managed to become Abas Mahmoud il Aqad,  one of the most intelligent and intellectual men in our culture, all were elements that made me completely fancy Al Aqad, even if he is not a person in my life, yes the very same kind of feelings girls have for Enrique Iglesias,  Orlando Bloom or that cute Egyptian actor il sa2a..  May and Al Aqad had a very flirty relationship, where they dated on weekly basis… he wrote her lots of beautiful poems, and she wrote him lots of naughty letters… however, their love died in the crib, because she called him once and the phone was answered by Sarah, a woman that he fancied!

I guess what I am trying to say here, is that love is something very volatile, it comes and goes, and maybe it is time for girls to move away from this Cinderella notion, because I promise human beings are too weak and curious to fall in love only once.

Oxford Circus, Trafalgar Square, Big Ben There is actually a big tower with a CLOCK on it!is there anything more exciting than this?!, Westminster, London Bridge, like in the song! Soho This one was interesting! Especially the girls in windows!! The only other place I saw girl prostitutes in this very obvious context was in Amsterdam, when I went with my friends two years ago we soon realized that people were staring at us, because we were the only DRESSED women in the street! Boy how shocking and embarrassing this was! My face still goes red at the memory!

I still can’t grasp the freedom I feel, I don’t understand it, I don’t know what to do with it. I just know that I want to experience London to the maximum! I want to go to every musical, to every concert, to every museum, to ALL my classes, and I want to walk and walk and walk. I want to enjoy the culture, the beauty that this place has to offer….But to be able to do this, I need to find a job NOW! London is really TOO expensive.

The company was nice as well. My friend took us to this beautiful Japanese place, I had what they call a bento box, it was a bit of everything… sushi, sashimi, chicken tiryaki, some fried shrimps yummy!! and of course the beautiful salad and a lovely miso soup!

The girl was fine, she is clearly in love with the guy and as sweet as her devotion is to him, as much as these very same feelings made me realize that we women are much more attractive and much sexier when we are strong and in control of our destinies, and we are completely unattractive and boring and Blah…when we allow ourselves to be weakened and submit to emotions… I am not talking about falling in love, I am talking about how to handle being in love….and as my good friend used to say “il tu2ol san3a”! which means for a women to be hard to get is actually hard work that requires very good skills!

I will not go into the philosophy of why people fall in love… the soul mate theory this is my favorite which is that we were creatures of 2 heads and 4 arms that intimidated the gods so they split us down the middle to form a man and a woman and we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half. Or the Celestine way of viewing humans with energy fields around us and when these fields fit.. People would fall in love… or the good old hormones … or the other 589 other theories … because I honestly don’t know why!

I am really curious about the nature of love? Biologists view love as two major factors sexual attraction and attachment… Psychologists’ two factors on the other hand are companionship and passion. But the most best one so far is Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. In this theory, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:

Love Triangle
Liking or friendship: intimacy
Infatuation: passion
Empty love: commitment
Romantic love: intimacy and passion
Companionate love: intimacy and commitment
Fatuous love: passion and commitment
Consummate love: intimacy and passion and commitment

Love vs. Insanity
But what I really loved is that studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance to those with a mental illness! Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. Love, therefore, could more possibly be physical than emotional! Can you relate to majnoun layla?!

And as bdel Haleem says in his fortune teller that “ even though his life is destined to be a book of tears and a confinement between water and fire. Despite the sadness that remains with us day and night, despite the rainy windy weather, love will be forever the best fate…”