House of Curiosity... » Death

Mahmoud Darwish- تصبح على وطن

Madas — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:28:31 +0000

Words fail to describe my feelings… so I won’t say anything…

This is one of my favorite poems.. Marcel Khalifeh turned it into a song… It is so harsh yet so tender…

تصبحون على وطن
عندما يذهب الشهداء الى النوم أصحو
وأحرسهم من هواة الرِّثاء

أقول لهم :
تُصبحون على وطن،
من سحابٍ ومن شجرٍ،
من سراب وماء

أهنئُهُم بالسلامةِ من حادثِ المُستحيل
ومن قيمة المذبح الفائضة
وأسرقُ وقتَا لكي يسرقوني من الوقتِ.

هل كُلُنا شهداء؟
وأهمس :

يا أصدقائي اتركوا حائطاَ واحداً،
لحبال الغسيل،
اتركوا ليلةًَ للغناء

اُعلِّق أسماءكم أين شئتم فناموا قليلاً،
وناموا على سلم الكرمة الحامضة
لأحرس أحلامكم من خناجر حُراسكم
وانقلاب الكتاب على الأنبياء
وكونوا نشيد الذي لا نشيد له
عندما تذهبون إلى النوم هذا المساء

أقول لكم :
تصبحون على وطنٍ
حمّلوه على فرس راكضه

وأهمس :
يا أصدقائي لن تصبحوا مثلنا …
حبل مشنقةٍ غامضه !

A message from the grave

Madas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:30:12 +0000

I have not thought about Reem in a while. Actually, I am a bit dazzled that it has been 2 years since she passed away. I ran into her aunt a couple of days ago. I asked after Reems’s family. I sort of developed an odd kind of friendship with the family under the circumstances.

Suha told me that Reem’s parents had a baby boy… it was totally unexpected, as they are in their forties. Still, they are ecstatic about little Yusuf. They felt he is a gift that has been sent to them from God to compensate for the pain they felt for losing Reem.

Suha told me that her sister (Reem’s mother) dreamt about Reem one night during her pregnancy. She asked her to name the boy Yusuf after someone she met. She explained that Yusuf is buried next to her. Needless to say, the mother could not wait for the day to break in order to drive to the grave yard. There, she found Yusuf lying next to Reem.

I don’t want to get all philosophical about this. It could be simply that the mother saw the grave and internalized the name without realizing it… but to play the devil’s advocate here…is it possible that the dead try to get in touch with us through dreams and other means? Could it be possible that the dead meet and visit each other and have a life of their own, a life that is totally separate from the one we have here? if so, what kind of life is it? Do the same rules that apply here apply there? Are there notions of haram and 3eib in this life? Do they have religions, politics, societies, communities, identities, nationalities, sexuality? Do they have the same elements that make us humans? Is it the next stage after life on earth?

Is death a religious thing? is it civil? human?

I just thought about Memnoch the Devil….

life celebration in the church

Madas — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 15:21:55 +0000

I don’t know where to start, with the funeral itself or my impressions about a funeral in a church? Maybe this is supposed to be a sad post, but after leaving the church, a strange sense of peace swept over me.

The priest said he can’t express how difficult this is to everyone, because we all know that the cycle of life is not supposed to be like this, and no excuse can be given to explain why something like this happens… we don’t know why our loved ones die… no one knows or understands… but we know one thing… that God loves us, and more important He loves Jared. The priest said that God chose to call Jared back to Him now, after giving him to his adoptive parents to love and take care of temporarily. The metaphor of calling someone back hit me as being very relieving. Suddenly the process of death made sense, it was no longer dark or scary or painful or even incomprehensible. It was natural, it was easy and it was tender… the person gets called back to be near God.

Jared was the adopted child of our friends. They have loved him so much and gave him everything a loving family would give their child. He was 3 years old and had a rare type of cancer. However this child was very joyful, and the innocence of children never ceases to amaze me… knowing you are dying and still be very happy and joyful, this is why the priest chose the espression of lets celebrate the life of this happy child, who was lucky because he knew he was loved. It made me wonder how his life would have been if he was never adopted, if he was still in an orphanage. The harsh reality of an anonymous death and an unmarked grave kept nagging…

It also made me wonder there on the spot, how come the concept of adoption does not exist in our society that is known for its generosity and chivalry? Is it because many wrongly believe that adoption is forbidden by Islam? But this is really wrong as the prophet himself had an adopted son and his name was Zaid. What is really forbidden is to claim the child and give him/her a new identity or last name, and this is justified and makes total sense to me… The other reason is our fascination with the Jahili concept of family honour… I will leave the imagined consequences from this post, but will build the set up… lets imagine I found a child in the garbage somewhere. (Background slow drums music) Here I am walking with the child on my arms to my family and look them in the eye, while the little thing is crying on my arms and say after a pause of quiet tension

” i7em….Mom and Dad.. I have made up my mind to adopt this child…….”

lol! the expression on their faces is everything but funny yet i can’t stop laughing!

ok… back to reality….I guess that explaines why unmarried women in the Arab world dont adopt. Hundreds if not thousands of women never get married…if they are not lucky enough to find right man in the right time they live their life feeling bitter that they were never given the chance to have children as they are not allowed to have them outside the wedlock and if they happened to have a child outside the wedlcok they will throw them in orphanages anyway!… but that is a different story. why don’t they simply direct all these maternal feelings towards one child who really and despearately needs love?

Reem died few days ago

Madas — Mon, 19 Dec 2005 01:37:00 +0000

Reem died few days ago, she was 20 years old and died of cancer infused B cel lymphoma, if anyone is interested … well technically that was not the cause of death, but that is beside the point. Reem is related to me, I have met her few months ago at the hospital and I spent some time with her during the last few months…She was a beautiful girl, so tender, so sweet, so full of life… she was also very spoiled and very stubborn.

She could not deal with the way her looks changed with the treatment and with being sick and being in pain all the time, she could not deal with not being able to be this care free little girl who gets away with everything anymore… slowly her life that was filled with laughter and lovely naughtiness and girlish silliness turned into silence, seriousness and depression…. she stopped fighting, and eventually she died…

I am angry for all the pain that her parents, but especially what her dad is going through…. He has been with her all through, while her mother was back home taking her of the other kids not many people can afford bringing the whole family to London for a long time, the woman had no choice. I saw him change her clothes and touch her face with so much tenderness, as if she is two years old… I saw him trying to fight for her, trying to protect her, trying to push her and… Akh… the pain i feel…I can’t even start to express his looks whenever looking at her… Mohamed was not only her father, he was also her friend and her hero. The man is completely shocked; her death did not sink in yet. He went back the next day to the hospital to check if somehow she undied! He could not understand that his little girl was sleeping in the cold morgue… so he just stayed awake… Her body was taken home in a box and her dad could not get over the fact that they are travelling first class and their daughter is travelling with the luggage!

I am also angry at Reem Allah yir7amha, May she be happy in a better place and the whole generation of girls who are just too spoiled to fight, who don’t have a mission in life and who cruise through life without purpose… Why? What happened to our strong Arab women who go through everyday with a set agenda and a real mission, whose capacity of grabbing every day’s troubles and turn them into lessons and benefits… what happened to women like my grandmother who gave birth to my dad on the way from Palestine to Amman? What happened to women who rock the world with their left arms, while taking care of ten kids and are still able to love unconditionally?! What happened with the girls who fought society to be able to study and marry and be happy? What happened to girls who stood in front of laws and defied the whole world for a belief? What has changed in the last ten years that turned us from strong girls back into weak puppets and porcelain dolls who are willing to sacrifice life because we can’t deal with ??!