I was walking with my sister in Souq Jara this last Friday, right at the door we saw a woman pushing a baby stroller trying to get on the pavement, but could not.  Two foreign fellows jumped to help her. She smiled, thanked them and went on with her baby.  My sister was extremely impressed, and when I asked her, she explained that Arab guys would be reluctant to help, as these foreign men did. I was very surprised; I am so used to hanging out with gallant men, that I did not even notice it.

However, it seems like I hang out with guys who belong to a dying breed. They open doors for women, they give up their seats when a woman comes in any setup and in buses (not that we use buses in Jordan to my chagrin), and they would not mind fighting someone if they offended one of us.

My sister and I went through our men folk and put them in two categories, those who would help and those who don’t.  One thing came out clearly; most of the men who would help have lived abroad at some point of their lives…

Now, since I am not hasty at forming judgments, especially when it comes to a delicate matter, such as Jordanian men’s honour, I decided to investigate the observation further, and therefore decided to go to the lion’s den and get the information directly there… this means, I asked a few men about their opinions on the matter.

The men I asked all admitted to their lack of chivalry, they defend their position as a natural consequence of women reactions….

 The idea of male chivalry, as Moe explained, makes many women nervous, when we try to carry a heavy bag, they look at us and say coldly “ I can carry it myself” and therefore, we let them carry their heavy bags on their own. Moe explained that when he does an act of chivalry, he is aware that the woman he is helping is not weak, and that she is as capable as he is… for him it is a simple show of respect… the problem is that women get very offended by his show of respect,  that he feels they don’t deserve it.

N-man on the other hand told me about an incident when he was walking ahead of two young women, he kept the door open for them to walk in. When they finally arrived, they did not even give him a second glance. They walked on so rudely as if he was the door man, whose job was to keep the door open for them.  N-man explained that it was not only humiliating, it actually irritated him…

it takes a certain level of spitefulness for human beings not to look at someone who is being kind to them… 

N-man is just another man who believes Jordanian women do not deserve gallantry!

Sam provided a third perspective… he saw a woman carrying a baby and couple of bags, when he offered to help, she thought he was flirting with her, and started shouting at him in the middle of the road…  he laughed as he explained that he almost started cursing her, but instead cursed himself for helping the likes of her… he walked fuming and promised himself never to help another woman… he joked..

I really don’t need to get into some honour related case… leave me alone!

When asked, why do men in the west help women, Omar explained they don’t always do, some men feel that if women really want to be treated equally, they need to stop expecting men to treat them specially.

N-man on the other hand pointed out that gallantry is something they learn at schools or observe other men do… so in reality, it is expected from him to keep the door open for a woman, but in return she is expected to acknowledge his gentle mannish act.  He says that he reverts back to his chivalrous nature the moment he leaves Jordan…

After talking to several people, I was really beginning to feel sorry for men.  Some of them seemed to be the victims of the tyranny of bitchy Jordanian women, who are not capable of acknowledging an act  of kindness, or a show of respect, even when it is staring at the them in the eye.

Most of the guys I spoke to this week agreed that to some extent chivalry is dead.

That is a disheartening fact for us ladies because believe it or not, we’ve killed it.

 I just discovered the funniest comedy ever, it is called arrested development! it is truly hilarious!