An aborted honor crime
“When the girl who was burried alive was asked: for what crime was she killed?” ~Surat Takweer (81:8) and (81:9)
Rania, a young friend came to talk to me a couple of days ago. She wanted to seek my advice. “ I am embarrassed of M.” She started off her sentence. “M.” is a common acquaintance. They both study the same major at university.
This innocent sentence turned out to be a BIG can of worms.
She and M. worked on an assignment for the university together last week. Next day, he sent her a message to check up on her. She responded to him with a polite but curt message.
She showed me both messages.
The stars were not aligned that day, her brother decided to toy with her phone and saw the messages… obviously he did not understand the context and did not care to understand. Rania looked at him in shock when he slapped her the first time. She did not see the second slap coming, she only felt it. It was all confusing after that. Her mother and sister interfered in time. They grabbed him and jerked him off her, while he was shouting that he was going to kill her.
The mother kicked the brother out of the house, which was the best she could do at that point, but turned out to be a bad decision. The boy went to his uncles and sought their help in cleansing the family’s honor. They called M, asked him who he was and threatened to destroy him. He asked them to come and meet him to sort the misunderstanding out. He gathered his friends and cousins and waited for her men folk to come… But, FORTUNATELY, they never made it there.
Rania’s father is abroad, and was oblivious to the thunder that was forming in the horizon. Her biggest fear was for her uncles’ to inform the father. She sat home for the last few days feeling a tingling in her arms and a thousand knots in her stomach. She felt that she might be facing her end very soon.
Last few days, we have been plotting our own plans of action, in case we needed them. Family protection unit was one option and a friend suggested that she should seek refuge in the house of the Sheikh of his tribe. Our plans were laid down to the last detail.
Things took a positive course last minute. The father came back, and sat down with Rania calmly to understand the details of the issue. He understood and told her that he was going to protect her from his son and brothers.
Rania can breathe for the first time in few days… she still worries that her uncles might change her father’s mind. She said that she has delegated the whole issue to God and is confident God will protect her.
Rania brought to mind a painful memory from the past, another young woman, who faced a similar situation. Only in her case, her grandfather abused her sexually and the family decided to kill her in order to shut her up. She survived as well, a foreign embassy had to interfere, as she was holding a foreign passport.
Rania asked me a very legitimate question… “who will protect me? “
What ends up happening usually is that she will be put in a prison cell for a few weeks till things calm down, and when the person in charge gets a written approval that they will not kill her, they set her free…. In some cases, she gets killed regardless.
I can’t stop wondering if an innocent message justifies the death of an innocent young woman.
This one took my breath away. Her normal life suddenly going terribly wrong…because of a message? Shouldn’t there be some sort of charges against the brother? Conspiracy to commit murder?
Any “Rania” you run across can stay with my family for protection.
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madas Reply:
June 21st, 2010 at 07:02
Thank you Kinzi, we might give you call if things go wrong.
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This is an outrage! what! why!
1) The family are bringing their own God forbid “dishonor!! from their perspective” , they have brought talk and inner family talk among themselves and their daughter,now every one and their cousin look down at poor Rania because of her horrific crime of txting?? ya3ni fada7o 7alhom iza hay fadee7a!
2)someone should talk to M and M should take matters into his hand,since he is involved and he is the guy whom she committed the txting crime with,he should bring his family,go to her family and tell them that he did hit on her using txt,he is sorry for what he did,he stress that their daughter did not flirt back and that she is decent,and that he and his family represent him to her family and if they want they are free to kick his ass or do whatever that want with him.
which would probably solve the problem and “clear her name”…man I don’t believe I’m even typing this and coming down to such mentality,but I’m trying to be practical.
3)if everything else fails,maybe going to an extreme higher untouchable authority in the country,that her family won’t touch her when she is under such protection.
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madas Reply:
July 23rd, 2010 at 09:59
Led…
In this case, we had to do extreme measures… but things have calmed down a bit now…
I did not want M to get involved… they would have married them off, and these people don´t even have anything in common between them… why create more victims?
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Hello Madas,
Thank you for the post. This is not an aborted “honour” crime though, because crime is not synonymous with murder only. Violence in the name of honour is a crime too, and the perpetual fear that Rania and thousands like her endure every day are also crimes committed, unjustly, in the name of honour. What kind of a life is it when you are physically alive but your every move, sway, smile or word is analysed, and bad intentions read into the most human of instincts? An existence is not a life, and having to fear your existence because of a text message is dishonourable and a crime.
So-called honour crimes have become synonymous with the two dozen or so reported victims a year who endure the most physically brutal forms of violence, but the real issue is much wider and needs to address the very way Jordanian females are socialised to be monitored and watched and deemed guilty before being questioned let alone tried.
On a side note, the women’s union run a small shelter for women (in case Rania or another friend is in need of protection in the future): http://www.jordanianwomenunion.org/ar/Default.aspx?tabid=77
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I have been following your blog for some time now, and this post really touched me…maybe because I have two small girls of my own, and thought what if? What if they faced a similar situation..how can I protect them, how can I teach them to protect themselves? How can I teach my daughters to refuse taking on the role of a victim in a society that applaud martyrdom and victimizing wives, women and sisters…sadness and worry is what I feel.
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Mary,
Thank you for your sweet words. I can imagine how hard it is. But growing up here, I always feel that if daughters have strong, supportive and loving mothers, they turn out to be strong women who are able to cope with the difficult realities. Hugs to your daughters
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