Comments on: How to say NO!

By: c. cox

c. cox — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:39:10 +0000

Awful internet site and definitive this post, also with AllWorld Explorer displayed good.

By: Lara

Lara — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:14:57 +0000

Well I don’t have a problem in saying no but I find it easier to be said over the phone. One tip is closing ur eyes when you want to reject an offer over the phone.
I always thought that you’re confrontational, ghareeb.
But anyway the first few times its difficult then its a piece of cake trust me
The more firm is the no the better because otherwise it seems like ur apologizing for ur no!u want it to be a friendly yet firm no.

By: Firas Atiyat

Firas Atiyat — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 08:17:44 +0000

There is no way you can evade a crucial negotiation or confrontation; this is part of our daily life, both personal and professional.
You have to face these, and you have to do it with a firm hand.
Just don’t give a shy “NO”, don’t let your body language expose what you feel inside; you have to find that thin line that segregate emotions and logic, and boost it.
The actual “real” challenge in life is getting to “YES”… Saying “NO” challenge is all about feeling awkward, which, in my own point of view, is a form of weakness.

By: Madas

Madas — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:38:54 +0000

You are making perfect sense…. just to confirm your thoughts… we don’t say no because we don’t want to be told no! … For some reason being told no does not baud well with us in this culture…we get defensive about it… it does not agree with our egos… interesting, sah?

By: Madas

Madas — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:33:10 +0000

… it is indeed a hard lesson… but i think we should practice no more often… i think No is as important and as nice as Yes

By: Madas

Madas — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:31:51 +0000

Wow… that is indeed wise… I will definitely use it… please give the Dutch man my best regards and compliments on his wisdom

By: loolt

loolt — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:28:26 +0000

I have a hard time with money. I am getting better at requesting money owed me, I often let things pass if I genuinely mind, but people forget to pay you back, which is fine, so often I wait a reasonable time before I hesitantly ask, I make it seem that I forgot to let them know how much whatever it was was. I still feel like a nawariya doing it, but if I dont I will end up resenting people, and that is worse.

I had a recent experience where someone blatantly refused to pay their share, they said that it was my idea to do whatever, I was gobsmacked, I had invited the person to join us… and then when I light heartedly mentioned splitting the (not insignificant) bill they refused and blamed me. I made some jokes, but realised that to push it would put me in a position where I am practically begging! So I ended up paying. I am still kicking myself, but till now I have no idea how to handle a situation like that

Once Madas you have managed to ‘teejee 3ala waja3′, I started writing a post about I hated being ‘nice’ and felt sometimes that I was taken advantage of I like your cultural explanation though, I felt this was especially significant when it comes to helping people and money issues. We are programmed to be karims, and to feel for the suffering of the others.. this is not something that I want to give up or change. I am trying to strike a balance between wanting to be a decent person, a karim, and not giving too much.

By: Mohanned

Mohanned — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 08:03:43 +0000

I might be able to offer a different perspective with regards to the hospitality issue that you mentioned. It can be argued that this sense of the need to be hospitable grew out of our so entrenshed focus on self interest. In a way you offer people help because you feel that you might need help one day. This creates a kind of commitment in the present in case that you need it “paid” back in the future…Same thing goes with scoial security, public health insurance, and any other form of colloective “altruistic” behavior..This is just a theory..So it might be that you feel the pressure of not saying no, in order to avoid being said no to..Am I making sense? I sure hope so!

By: kinzi

kinzi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 06:55:34 +0000

It is a hard lesson. People who push have radar for people who can’t say no.

Like Linda, I used to practice saying “No” . Nicely, in front of a mirror, then affirm their project, and let silence fall. If they ask again, blame-shift or wheedle, I smile and say no again.

That said, I find my ego gets in the way and that trips me up more than pushy people.

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 06:16:33 +0000

A wise Dutch man once gave me this advice: if you have to say ‘no’ do it with a ‘yes’-'no’-'yes’ answer!
Example: “I would love to work for you and I think your project is just lovely (!), but at the moment I’m busy with another project that I’ve already committed to earlier. But I’ll talk to some people and see if they have any free (wo)man power to support you.”
It takes a little practice, but once you’ve mastered it, it is sooooo liberating!
Later!