Manhood, emotional desertification and public display of emotions!
What happened last week at the 7th has piqued my anthropological curiosity! The story for those who don’t know it, started with a wife asking her husband for a divorce, not knowing that her request will amuse the whole nation for a couple of days.
The husband could not deal with the catastrophic request, so he went and created a huge sign, where he wrote love messages and stood in front of her office asking for her forgiveness. She happens to be a Royal Jordanian employee at the 7th Circle office. He did not stop there, but he invited some musicians au Spanish motif, and called different news outlets in Jordan to come and witness his sincere regrets. As you can imagine, the wife was very touched, went out crying and gave him a beautiful hug amid the cheers of the gathered crowd!
Not me unfortunately… I would hate it if my husband would put me in the spotlight like that… but what can i say…Allah yihanihom!
For me this incident was interesting on several levels…. But most of all was the audacity of the husband, who was more ready to deal with a nation that, more often than not, suffers insecurity about manhood and does not tolerate the concept of public display of affection than divorcing his wife.
Mahmoud says : “ this man is a habeeleh! Actually look at his picture, he looks retarded!”
Dina said that this was the sweetest thing she heard… if her husband was that kind of man she would be happy!
Lama on the other hand hates public display of affection. She explained to me that she hates it when her brother and his wife start snogging… she is single and finds it both selfish and in bad taste… she usually leaves the room with displeasure…. But they still have not got it!
The most intriguing bit, is that men in this country have no problem in showing affection to each other. How often have we seen men holding hands while walking in the streets, or kissing on the cheeks? How often have we seen men give each other a pat on the back…? in other words, it is very acceptable for male friends to engage in a bit of a slap and tickle… the problem rises up when women are involved.
This story brought up a similar debate to that, which was created when Jordan was gripped with a Noor mania last year…. Both debates revolve around the lack of affection, whether public or private, among people here… parents don’t hug their children, and spouses don’t hug each other… so we have succeeded in producing generations of Jordanians who suffer from a lack of any physical display of emotions…
This could be caused by several reasons; One of them is related to the events that took place in Jordan in the last few decades. As a matter of facts Jordanians have constantly been more focused on survival than on anything else, whether because of poverty or repeated disasters happening one after the other… Another reason could revolve around the fact that parents were, and still are, very focused on bringing up men to take on responsibilities and therefore, it is not appropriate for them to be spoilt by love and mushi emotions… The truth is many reasons come to mind… but I won’t go through them… even though I would like to know if you guys have some ideas…
The true question that comes to mind now…. Could this man’s actions be a symptom of a resistance against this emotional desertification that has characterized this country for decades?
It is now 23:00 and I am exhausted… so will go to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls… I always loved that girlie series… I think I like the rosy life both Lorelei and Rori live… but my favorite one will always be the manipulative Emily… I love how what really matters is what other women say… kind of reminds me of here?














We once went to pick my Dad up from the airport, he had been away for over a week, and when he arrived he gave my mom a quick kiss, and the entire Queen Alia airport turned to look around at a husband pecking his wife – and from the look on their faces it seemed to me they had never seen any [married] couple kiss in their lives (and it wasn’t really a kiss!).
I don’t think it is the focus on survival – people can be very ‘poor’ [economically] and still very passionate. Also, we once had a conversation @ school and a lot of my ‘upper-middle and high class’ friends had never seen their own parents kiss. never. It is very sad really. To be this disconnected with our feelings , with our own bodies.
It’s not just that we live in an anti-love culture, but a loveless culture… we teach our daughters to marry for circumstance, and our sons to marry for beauty and looks…. and we tell them love is the ‘3shra’ of living with someone for long. We teach our children to get straight A’s so we can brag about them, rather than teach them passion for knowledge.
So I think this vacume of emotions in our lives leads those who yearn for love, like the young gentleman in ur story, to understand it in terms of over the top grand gestures, and exaggerated sentimentality (just like noor and muhannad too!)…. but in the process, the simple blissfulness of holding hands or a kiss gets lost.
Reply
What you are describing here is probably true… I will pick on one point people marrying for the wrong reasons (?) i am not sure what the right reasons are anymore… i mean in the west people marry for love, but the divorce rate is still very high… this maks me question my own ideas about the right reasons… but for the sake argument.. i do think that marrying a man because his family name or the size of his bank account does not work! and marrying a woman for her beauty or her family name also does not work… first of all.. economic status is very volatile as we know, and beauty is dealth with by time! the point is yu can’t bring emotions into an emotionless equation.. in this case a marriage… if people are married with the money then their emotions are for the money and not for the person… and if men marry for beauty, they they their emotions are for makup and fancy clothing and not for the person…
Reply
Reply
here is my email…mariamadas@yahoo.com i would ove to read the article… thanks you
Reply
every girl on Gilmore Girls is pretty. i kind of admire them and have a great crush.;:*
Reply
madas Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 19:41
yeah true… every single one is pretty
Reply
the cast of Gilmore Girls are very pretty, i wish i could marry one of them..*-
Reply