I guess at the end of the day, ideally, every couple have to decide what is best for each one of them and for their family…. be it he works and she stays home, or both of them should work and share home responsibilities or any other alternative solutions….

I just see women over-compromising, women who cook, clean, finance the entire family, yet are still pushed around by their husbands (actual true stories that I know of personally). Or the woman, who after having 5 children with her husband, was divorced by him because, get this, she wanted to quit her job!

I was reading the book ‘affluenza’, which deals with the effect of excessive consumerism on the well being of people in english speaking countries. And the author met women who after having a baby, were forced by guilt to return to work within a few months of giving birth. Because the family unit had come to rely on her salary for their day to day life. The husband earned well, but his salary alone could not sustain their ‘lifestyle’, which I want to point out is different to a ‘life’ . They didnt particularly want to, and women seem to find themselves in these situations… where their priorities in life change when the little one shows up, so committing financially to family is not a decision that can easily be taken by the pre-baby wife.

Let me share yet another social perspective… a guy friend of mine, who has been married to someone that he no longer likes very much… this guy complains that the wife does nothing… the house and kids are taken care by the maids… she does not work… she really does nothing… she keeps complaining that she is bored (Actually I have seen several examples like this, when I visited Saudi)… the thing is in his particular case he is more involved with the kids than she is…

The point is if these women, who really don’t do anything except giving birth (and trust me I am not undermining birth in anyway), work and don’t share their money, there is something wrong…

I think I am one of those who believe in sharing responsibilities in and out of the house and I also believe in sharing power….

No worried about being aggressive it is nice to have an intellectual cyber debate

How can a man who loves you allow you to do all this work AND be happy to use your money as well? Shouldnt he be looking after you? Sharing responsibilities? To use the wifes salary for ongoing financial obligations (food, rent/mortage, school fees, clothes etc) is a slippery slope (for the reasons I mentioned in my previous post), if she wants to use it for one off purchases, that makes more sense in the framework of maintaining a happy family.

It bothered me that you vilified the viewpoint that women who do not share their wages are being selfish or ‘unfair’. It is their choice, their right, and hey respect to the husband who doesnt shirk his duties!

The women of northern jordan that you mentioned did not become ‘more equal’ because of work. They were already equal, they did not need to earn that status. Respect to them for stepping up when needed, and going that extra mile because the family actually needed it (as opposed to actually desiring it).

Apologies is this post comes across as being a bit aggressive, its just that I see women feel guilty that they are now working in fields where they want to work, and trying to ‘make up for it’ by quadrupling their responsibilities in the family. On the other hand, I wonder where men factor in in all this.. it doesnt seem that the increase in women working for the family has been met with an increase of men cleaning, cooking and nurturing for the family… so I dont see how obliging a wife to fund the family is fair.

Today, when life is complex, things are expensive and women marry their matches…well… for me personally I don’t think it would be fair for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to work and take care of everything, while I make as much as he does and maybe more in some cases just because I don’t want to be burdened when I have children! It just does not seem fair …. I mean, why do I want to see someone that I love kill himself to give me a respectable life and I am hiding away my money?!!
Another side of the story… I was working with women in small village in the northern of Jordan… the case is that women work until they get married, they stop, because the husband is supposed to provide everything… after the first or the second baby come, they realize what he makes is barely enough for their pampers! and therefore, they REALIZE how important for them to go to work and support their families… these women are more empowered and more equal with their husbands than those who just wait to be helped at home….

So I guess there is no one rule.

There is another perspective here… women thought that by work they will gain their freedom, but it seems like work has just added another layer of abuse for some of them! i mean now they need to work in and out of the house and not have their financial independence, because the father or the husband takes the money! so really all this category of women got was more work!!!!