A car accident, an aggressive woman
I think that Jordanian women often confuse being assertive with being aggressive. Through thinking they are being strong; they often get reduced to acting bitchy and being pure Rada7at!
Why am I saying this?
I got in a car accident couple of weeks ago. I was at a crossroad. I did not see the other car coming. In the middle of the crossing this woman bumped into me… I parked the car and got down to check the damage…
Miracle of miracles… my car was intact…
Hers…well the number fell off… but nothing else was visible to the naked eye.
The lady walked towards me… I have a good inkling about breeds of women, and one glance, told me that this one was the vicious sort, or at least one who will get nasty if she has to. I heard myself saying… oh boy!!
She did not even wait to make it to my car to start yelling in a way that did not go at all with her perfectly respectable outfit and elaborate coiffure!
“Don’t you have eyes? Are you blind? She said in a high pitched voice”
I decided to adopt hibbz advice about rising above things, and said calmly:
“Hamdillah 3ala il salameh!”
She was taken aback. Her voice went down one octave.
She asked me if I wanted to call someone, and I suggested calling the police. But she said that she did not have time, and that I should give her my number. She would call someone to check what the damage was, and then proceed from there… I gave her my number
And while the lady was calling someone… I had done my own checking… I called the police. They told me that I should not have assumed it was my fault… Even if she had the right of way, she might have been speeding…and actually she might have not had the right of way at all, especially that I was already in the middle of the crossing when she bumped into me. Whoever answered me, told me that when someone leaves the scene, they automatically forfeit their right!
Now I felt strong.
True to my expectations, she called the next day:
“Do you remember me? I am the women you hit… do you remember how you smashed my car? Well I asked my garage, and they want me to pay around 450 JDs to fix the damage you caused, plus 150 for the labourer and 100 for each day the car stays in the garage! Which is another 300…”
I was speechless!
Beside the fact this was a horrendously big amount… I was surprised that the lady felt I was a total idiot! She really expected me to hand her 900 Jds to put the number back!!
I told her coldly that I knew a place at Duwar Al Wa7a. They would put back her number for 1 JD! she did not like that at all and started shouting again (She loves shouting) She was a total rada7a!
The story ended son after… I told her her what the police told me, and she yelled some more about me having no roots, no origins, no values and no proper upbringing… she told me that she was testing me and I failed miserably… she then hung up on me, and never took my calls after that…
This incident makes me think that almost every encounter in life depends on our ability to capture other people’s attention. This lady might have thought she was being assertive, when in reality she was being aggressive and rude. This surprises me on several levels… especially that she was the one who wanted something from me, and she could have gotten it, had she been a little more agreeable…
The thing is, in general, women in Jordan are cultured to be submissive… however, by going through life’s twists and turns, they make the shift into becoming aggressive bitches. They live their lives without really ever finding a balance… a lot of people get hurt in the process… but who cares, sah?
One last note, there is a big difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness…
Assertiveness is a skill that helps us to communicate clearly and with confidence, while still acknowledging the needs of others. Aggressiveness on the other hand is being disagreeable, argumentative, rude and uncompromising… I wonder why in Jordan, a lot of women faile to be assertive, but succeed in being aggressive?