A car accident, an aggressive woman
I think that Jordanian women often confuse being assertive with being aggressive. Through thinking they are being strong; they often get reduced to acting bitchy and being pure Rada7at!
Why am I saying this?
I got in a car accident couple of weeks ago. I was at a crossroad. I did not see the other car coming. In the middle of the crossing this woman bumped into me… I parked the car and got down to check the damage…
Miracle of miracles… my car was intact…
Hers…well the number fell off… but nothing else was visible to the naked eye.
The lady walked towards me… I have a good inkling about breeds of women, and one glance, told me that this one was the vicious sort, or at least one who will get nasty if she has to. I heard myself saying… oh boy!!
She did not even wait to make it to my car to start yelling in a way that did not go at all with her perfectly respectable outfit and elaborate coiffure!
“Don’t you have eyes? Are you blind? She said in a high pitched voice”
I decided to adopt hibbz advice about rising above things, and said calmly:
“Hamdillah 3ala il salameh!”
She was taken aback. Her voice went down one octave.
She asked me if I wanted to call someone, and I suggested calling the police. But she said that she did not have time, and that I should give her my number. She would call someone to check what the damage was, and then proceed from there… I gave her my number
BIG MISTAKE…
And while the lady was calling someone… I had done my own checking… I called the police. They told me that I should not have assumed it was my fault… Even if she had the right of way, she might have been speeding…and actually she might have not had the right of way at all, especially that I was already in the middle of the crossing when she bumped into me. Whoever answered me, told me that when someone leaves the scene, they automatically forfeit their right!
Now I felt strong.
True to my expectations, she called the next day:
“Do you remember me? I am the women you hit… do you remember how you smashed my car? Well I asked my garage, and they want me to pay around 450 JDs to fix the damage you caused, plus 150 for the labourer and 100 for each day the car stays in the garage! Which is another 300…”
I was speechless!
Beside the fact this was a horrendously big amount… I was surprised that the lady felt I was a total idiot! She really expected me to hand her 900 Jds to put the number back!!
I told her coldly that I knew a place at Duwar Al Wa7a. They would put back her number for 1 JD! she did not like that at all and started shouting again (She loves shouting) She was a total rada7a!
The story ended son after… I told her her what the police told me, and she yelled some more about me having no roots, no origins, no values and no proper upbringing… she told me that she was testing me and I failed miserably… she then hung up on me, and never took my calls after that…
This incident makes me think that almost every encounter in life depends on our ability to capture other people’s attention. This lady might have thought she was being assertive, when in reality she was being aggressive and rude. This surprises me on several levels… especially that she was the one who wanted something from me, and she could have gotten it, had she been a little more agreeable…
The thing is, in general, women in Jordan are cultured to be submissive… however, by going through life’s twists and turns, they make the shift into becoming aggressive bitches. They live their lives without really ever finding a balance… a lot of people get hurt in the process… but who cares, sah?
One last note, there is a big difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness…
Assertiveness is a skill that helps us to communicate clearly and with confidence, while still acknowledging the needs of others. Aggressiveness on the other hand is being disagreeable, argumentative, rude and uncompromising… I wonder why in Jordan, a lot of women faile to be assertive, but succeed in being aggressive?
On a different note, I am reading my third Murakami book… this one is called Kafka on the shore… it is quite interesting… this guy likes fantasy, and i like it too…
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Whew, Madas, I understand this one. True strength is power under control, and there are WAY too many out of control angry women here. You displayed true strength in a calm, informed response.
Aggressive behavior is a form of manipulation. In the course I teach for victims,we look at four different types of negotiating life after woundedness, and ‘tough girl’ is the one who both gets what she wants AND keeps people away from her heart through aggressive tactics.
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:21
I agree with you about aggression being a form of manipulation. it is interesting that a lot of women end up using this method… don’t you thin… i wonder if it is breeding or simply a tactic women pick up along the way?
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mcarocci Reply:
March 30th, 2009 at 13:44
sorry can t you see that the women are so repressed that they are just a ticking bomb ready to explode
I was bullied at work and a center point I was ill t treated at home as well,I have never seen the monster that was in me o my golly,It was hard to look at my self in the mirror,i became a monster,think about having all your life somebody picking on you?
can we please walk in other shoes and finally deal with the real issue?
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Madas Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 07:32
Growing up as a woman in this country… I think that i can relate to what you are saying.
However i disagree with your conclusions… being picked on does not justify becoming a monster… I think becoming a monster is a choice…and it is a the easy way out!
Honestly… now i think that if we want to evolve… we need to learn how to rise above things… it is not easy… i don’t know how to do it myself… as i sometimes tend to choose to be a monster as well.
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يعني من وين بدهن يتلقوهن الحريم؟
إذا فتحن ثمامهن بتقولوا بيتشيز، و إذا سكتن بتقولوا ممسحة؟
يا أختي
as the esteemed scholar Adel Imam once said:
التيتة في الننة، و الننة في التتية
In other words: your car is fine, hers needs some ten physical therapy sessions to attach the license plate back on. So, chill out
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:50
lol! well come on not all of them are bitches… some are verybitchy….seriously…
But some are strong and polite… we like women power… no problem… but why the bitchiness?
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Ok, I agree on all what you said except the phrase ” women in Jordan are cultured to be submissive”. cause unlike what we think ,there are many women who are extremely strong and rude. I want to discriminate between those kind of women and the pro-feminist ones, just to avoid any conflicts. but I think that those women should be treated as they expect, in a rude and similar way.
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:23
Maybe things have changed a bit in western Amman… but in the rest of Jordan… women are still cultured to be submissive… and true i came to learn that you treat rudeness with rudeness… and arrogance with arrogance… sometimes it is the only way.
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I am wondering if that woman deliberately bumped into your car to try and extort money for an unnecessary repair?
I agree with what you said about the difference between assertion and aggression. I think of myself as assertive, but not aggressive.
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:24
Man… i will be horrifies if this is the case! but i doubt it… i think she saw an opportunity after the accident happen… mind you she looked perfectly capable of fixing her own car… but you know some people never have enough!
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What if a man ended up marrying that women? don’t you think that he will need to beat her up in order to tame her? or maybe just divorce her and save his life time trying to tame a rada7a.
O Hamdu Liel Allah Ala Al Salamaa
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:27
Well… she was an older woman… she is married and has kids probably older than you…
I wonder about this sometimes… the thing is why would someone who is not into rade7… end up marrying a rada7a? i wonder if women sometimes hide their true nature until they are married?
I am against violence, and i hate divorce… it really is not the best options always… but i think people should get to know their future partners in order to avoid violence and divorce…
you gave a lot to think about
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how much do you want to bet that she was testing if you were loaded? if you were loaded enough not to think twice about 900 jd’s she’d be bugging you about meeting your mom by now!
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Madas Reply:
March 19th, 2009 at 12:28
lol!
Well i never heard from her again… but yes, she her behviour was unusual… she really wanted that money! i wish I have 900 JDs extra!
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I am against violence, and i hate divorce… it really is not the best options always… but i think people should get to know their future partners in order to avoid violence and divorce…
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Well i never heard from her again… but yes, she her behviour was unusual… she really wanted that money! i wish I have 900 JDs extra!
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