Driven by Curiosity…

I am sneaking out to the lab, because I need 10 minutes break or I will go as mentally ill as the people I am studying! I have been shut in the library for the last 2 weeks, trying to prepare for this exam , which will take place tomorrow… at this point my brain has simply shut down to any other information…. I found that I function better when I study alone, however when there are people around… so we have been gathering together to do discussion within groups, and then scatter around where each one of us will study alone, but swap questions and pieces of information as we go.

 Yesterday Veena joint us a bit late, she was preparing for another exam with someone that she fancies and who is with her in the same class. Last semester they had some sort of fling… she comes from a very respected Indian family where her life was structured by the values of wrong and right and woman respectability and honour and decency… she finally broke free from that  very strict system and decided to give herself a go with this guy.

 In the last few weeks, she managed to fall in love with him and he managed to find himself an easy girlfriend who is not as demanding or serious as poor veena. The poor thing just found out yesterday… Veena is one of the most reserved people I have ever met, for her showing emotions is very hysterical and vulgar, and she prides herself at her refined manners… She had few relationships before, but she never showed emotions when they finished… she has a very good reason, she says, she usually likes them, and based on that, ends up sharing maybe a bit more than is accepted by her society.  Usually these boys who come from the same social background are as deprived of emotional attachment as she is… and once they get that kiss, or holding hands.. they move to the next girl… Veena started understanding this and she feels that showing emotions will make her acknowledge that she was used… so she simply pretends that she does not care and that she is also parting that relationship willingly.  The point is we had an animated girlie discussion about what she did when this new guy told her that he is seeing someone else… obviously we started hurling the worst words and descriptions on the guy! and we all were hoping that she hit him…

 She told us that she took it very calmly, she finished what she was doing and then gathered her stuff and was ready to leave, the guy was very shocked, as he thought that they were over and he did not think she feels this way about him, so he asked her to stay and to talk about it, and she tried to explain rationally that she is upset and that she does not want to loose her rationality and go hysterical! Which I found really amusing  but the guy who is actually a very smart guy, told her that human being are irrational and she could be irrational if she wanted, so she told him that she wanted to hit him… and the guy’s body language immediately goes into the defence mode!  But Veena is not violent and her rational self interfered to save the day to she started crying quietly to our disappointment.

 They were both ok about it eventually, they talked about it calmly… she felt better when he explained that he can’t handle a serious relationship now and so he went to an easy one, and that if he was looking for a serious relationship, he would be trying with her! Blablabla… men are really full of bullshit but the argument worked… she instantly felt better and ended up leaving feeling ok…

 Veena was very excited about the fact that she cried in front of the guy, that she told him how she felt, she even called him useless!  She felt that she is finally learning how to be herself, how to show emotions, she is finally growing claws! Growing claws comes from a book ny Isabelle Allends called Portrait of Sepia, we both loved this book and we both could related to the book when she told us about her new found experience of showing emotions Her objective is to unleash the irrationality that has been hidden by years and years of learning and training to be a classy lady…I think that even if the incident is very small it really shows that she is changing towards the person she hopes she will become…

 I have nothing to say honestly… I simply wrote this because I needed to put my mind away from development and democracy, refugees and immigrants and multiculturalism, human rights and child labour and few other topics. Wish me luck!

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