Archive for February, 2006

February 13, 2006

life celebration in the church

February 13th 2006 Posted to
I don’t know where to start, with the funeral itself or my impressions about a funeral in a church? Maybe this is supposed to be a sad post, but after leaving the church, a strange sense of peace swept over me.

The priest said he can’t express how difficult this is to everyone, because we all know that the cycle of life is not supposed to be like this, and no excuse can be given to explain why something like this happens… we don’t know why our loved ones die… no one knows or understands… but we know one thing… that God loves us, and more important He loves Jared. The priest said that God chose to call Jared back to Him now, after giving him to his adoptive parents to love and take care of temporarily.  The metaphor of calling someone back hit me as being very relieving. Suddenly the process of death made sense, it was no longer dark or scary or painful or even incomprehensible. It was natural, it was easy and it was tender… the person gets called back to be near God.
Jared was the adopted child of our friends. They have loved him so much and gave him everything a loving family would give their child. He was 3 years old and had a rare type of cancer. However this child was very joyful, and the innocence of children never ceases to amaze me… knowing you are dying and still be very happy and joyful, this is why the priest chose the espression of lets celebrate the life of this happy child, who was lucky because he knew he was loved. It made me wonder how his life would have been if he was never adopted, if he was still in an orphanage. The harsh reality of an anonymous death and an unmarked grave kept nagging…
It also made me wonder there on the spot, how come the concept of adoption does not exist in our society that is known for its generosity and chivalry?  Is it because many wrongly believe that adoption is forbidden by Islam? But this is really wrong as the prophet himself had an adopted son and his name was Zaid. What is really forbidden is to claim the child and give him/her a new identity or last name, and this is justified and makes total sense to me… The other reason is our fascination with the Jahili concept of family honour… I will leave the imagined consequences from this post, but will build the set up… lets imagine I found a child in the garbage somewhere. (Background slow drums music) Here I am walking with the child on my arms to my family and look them in the eye, while the little thing is crying on my arms and say after a pause of quiet tension
” i7em….Mom and Dad.. I have made up my mind to adopt this child…….”
lol! the expression on their faces is everything but funny yet i can’t stop laughing!
ok… back to reality….I guess that explaines why unmarried women in the Arab world dont adopt. Hundreds if not thousands of women never get married…if they are not lucky enough to find right man in the right time they live their life feeling bitter that they were never given the chance to have children as they are not allowed to have them outside the wedlock and if they happened to have a child outside the wedlcok they will throw them in orphanages anyway!… but that is a different story. why don’t they simply direct all these maternal feelings towards one child who really and despearately needs love?

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February 6, 2006

List of 3arees il ghafleh!

February 06th 2006 Posted to

T. came to spend couple of weeks with us. A young, beautiful musician who is living her life to the maximum. T. came like a breath of fresh air that definitely brought positive change to our daily routine. The first few days, she demanded to be left alone to enjoy some quiet and solitary time to “regroup and redefine herself” to quote her exact word.

T. literally spent these days walking between Bond street and Tottenham court Road, which happens to be one of the most famous shopping areas in the world!  So YES a woman’s process of redefining herself, definitely includes  a major redefinition of her wardrobe! We turned from residents to tourists with her; we have been walking around London, attending musicals and concerts and posing for pictures in front of every high building!!

On the fourth day, T. confessed that one of the reasons she came here is to think of a marriage proposal that is perplexing her. The guy is smart, successful, ambitious, extremely good looking, funny and from a very good family. There is one little problem though, she feels that he is not in love with her personally, but he is in love the high score she made on his list of requirements. When she explained this, the visual image that was created in my head was rather funny. Here I imagined him sitting with her in a romantic setting explaining his principals in life, asking her questions and ticking on a list in front of him. for some reason I just remembered all those  guys explaining their principals in life to their girlfriends while  walking in the gardens of jame3 il jam3a (the Mosque of the University). I wonder if the gardens still attract these romantic souls?? In our case, the perplexity comes because 3arees il ghafleh!  is too good to pass, especially that her parents like him, and she is in the right frame of mind, since all her friends are getting engaged and she feels the social pressure.

I am one of those people who are really unromantic! I don’t believe in fairy tales and happily ever after. I believe that relationships need hard work to flourish, they need wise judgements and  intelligent choices, but in this case I could not help wondering if two people made a very intelligent choice based on a very well defined list of requirements would that bring happiness to them? Would that be enough to ensure that the marriage would be successful? And where should a person draw the line of what is enough and what is not?! Just thought I should share….

I am reading one of the most intriguing studies ever, it is called Tearoom Trade. It is an eye opener to a shocking world I knew nothing about. And here I thought I am a cultured, well read individual… it is funny that being at school is a very humbling experience. It makes a person feel that the more she knows the less she really knows… perplexing hah? time to sleep… it is 2:30 AM and my eyes are closing on their own.

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