Wedding invitations sent out a bit too soon!!
Yesterday my friend Beatrice and Peter passed by to say hello. They are getting married in May. They came straight after a 2- day marriage consulting workshop to have a cup of tea with us. They were both STRESSED OUT! Apparently they have discovered that they need to talk about a few things, and suddenly felt that there are all these alarms and red flags that went off unexpectedly and that they might have sent out the invitations a bit too soon. They both said that they would not have done this seminar if they were not forced to. But being catholic they can not get married in the church unless they prove they have done this workshop, now they are really happy that they did, it was such an eye opener.
I was completely fascinated! Even excited about the idea of a counselling before you get married! Apparently they get people to think about certain things that you would imagine that people intending to get married would have covered long time ago in details…only to be shocked at how many couples don’t have a clue! Such as kids, where do we want to live, the finances, the in laws, how to have an interesting life…..etc…etc… .I don’t know…these are the obvious things… but there so many things that are really really not obvious… all those awfully important details that parents would call the BASICS of life, and unmarried people would not even imagine… after all the most sophisticated unmarried brain is not equipped to think of all these things that encounter people when they do get married.
I will chose a perfectly safe example… like let’s say finances…these seminars get people to think about things like: who will take care of the finances at home? If they thought if they will have two bank accounts or a joint one? if they have any financial plan for their life? If the woman will contribute at all? How much would she contribute? Will she have some money for her for security? Other topics such as in whose names the properties are going to be if they both are working or if one of them is sitting home to take care of the children? What is their retirement plan? The kids’ university fund?!!…etc…etc… and all of a sudden what started as a perfectly simple and innocent marriage ends up being one hell of a complicated spiky thing!
From the conversation that we had… and I never saw them this stressed out. Bea said that she was amazed at how many people have not talked about important things things, and how many topics she discovered she did not cover with Peter. Peter on the other hand said that in these seminars you get shocked that your partner thinks like that! And it made me realize what a wonderful idea it really is to go through this before you get married… how many couples will be spared the horrors of divorce? How many children will be spared the mental abuse of an unhappy marriage? I don’t know honestly… maybe it is not like that, maybe with or without counselling, if a marriage is meant to stay it will and if it supposed to end it will….but I still could not help wondering how many people think after many many years of marriage if I knew this thing about my husband or wife, would I still have married them?!
I will sit down and enjoy my cup of tea while hearing Dido ironically a song called hunter, whom I have not heard in months… I will also go back to my painting… something happened and all of a sudden I am very inspired… I suppose I discovered the ink that is used with water colour and hell… it is brilliant!
well thax for ur post u gave me a couple of thigs to disscuse with my fiance
any ways dear i think u will never know every thing about marriege or about ur partner once u decided to say yes to someone and to share ur life with u have to understand him and accept the person he is, and u togther can control to have a happy marrieg, life is not something u can plan for, i mean yes couples may disscusse all type of things in thier future life but what about if they have an upnormal situation? that they never expected?
i think we should concetrate on knowing our partners will and every thing else will go right at the end
Reply
THIS IS GREAT!!! Did this counseling happen in Jordan? Oh, this is my prayer…premarital counseling available in Jordan! Oh my goodness, it is the key to a great marriage.
This is something the Catholic church excels in and I think everyone needs to listen to them on.
Madas, thanks for posting this…you are already being prepared to be a great wife! May God bless you with a man worthy of you!
Reply
We got the same counseling in Jordan since we got married in a Catholic church. Our priest was great. We met with him a number of times before the wedding..
Fortunately, we were ready as we had already discussed the major issues like finances, kids, etc among ourselves before we started the counseling…I think all couples should get similar counseling before they tie the knot
Reply
Ah, the good old Catholic church at its best again! (I’m allowed to say this since I was born and raised Catholic!) I never knew they still try to “prepare” you for marriage nowadays.
When both my grandmother and mother got married, they also had to attend a seminar like that. The major issue in their seminars was however that they promise in the name of God to raise their children Catholic because otherwise there would be no chance in hell that they could get married to a protestant (which both my father and grandfather are). Luckily, the women in my family tend to do whatever it takes to get what they want.
I personally wouldn’t have gone for a deal like that. But then again I’m a weird bird anyway when it comes to marriage … Did your friends also had to commit to anything like that?
In general, I think that everyone who wants to commit should sit down and talk to their partner about all facts of life and not get married and then be surprised that it doesn’t work out afterall. Marriage is not a magic patch that fixes all your problems. If two people are not meant for each other, a marriage might cover some s*** up for a while, but sooner or later it’s bound to go sour!
As for the painting … I’m happy to hear that! Maybe some more beautiful carrots … ?
- Linda
Reply
Rasha- I know you can’t prepare for everything in the future, actually you can try but you never know what happens. However, it is really important to have a general agreement on things with your fiance, and this is the poin of it all… these sessions aparently tackles the main issues… in all cases good luck, please keep us posted about life after marriage
Kinzi- sorry to disapoint you, it took place in the States…however you are absolutely right, it is a great idea.. maybe i will apply it one of these days, make it cool enough that people would consider comming:)
Natasha- you guys are really compatible, but believe many many are simply not
and il mseebeh that they dont know it, they think they are super perfect until reality hits
Linda- The carrots were a very well kept secret
I hope i have moved on from that point on 
on a different note, i know that you have the strength of your grandmother and mother combined… that what makes you a super special person:)
Reply
On the side of your post ,I picked Dido ,the hunter not bad ,What do you think is it the lyrics or the Dido the singers that made all the way to our homes ?
Hunter:
With one light on in one room, I know you’re up when I go home
With one small step upon the stair, I know your look when I get there
If you were a king up there on your throne, would you be wise enough to let me go
For this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again, wants to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again, so let me go
The unread book and painful look, that is Devin words The unread book and painful look !!!
= = = = = = = = =
But my favorite is :
Life For Rent
I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologise that once again I’m not in love
but it’s not as if I mind that your heart ain’t exactly breaking
it’s just a thought, only a thought
but if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
well I deserve nothing more than I get
cos nothing I have is truly mine.
I”ve always thought that I would love to live by the sea to travel the world alone and live more simply.
= = = = = = =
I my self lived this way ,in an imposed Diaspora and can relate to the song .For me, it’s about the little things, the details!!! Always has been, always will be so why should I care . As in life, should I concentrate on that, leaving the big stuff to just take care of itself.” Such is the secret to the songwriting lyrics ,it says what I cant say!!!
How about you did you chose Dido’s Hunter ,or you just have it ?No-one expected the north London girl to be a multi-platinum, world-conquering success, least of all Dido herself if you only see her you will take her for a cousin or the gal next door .
Reply
Yeah Catholics are known for this (there is a comedy movie about it with Robin Williams) and their are also pre-marriage kits that Christian bookstores will sell for Christian couples who are contemplating going down the marriage route. I always thought that on the side of the world you guys are on that the parents helped solved those questions before marriage or when in picking a mate for their kid- it made sense to me considering parents know what a real marriage makes.
Reply
Madas Reply:
November 30th, 2009 at 08:02
Ahh… this is a complex issue… the thing is, sometimes or in many many cases people marry for the wrong reasons. Girls get married to get away from the tyranny of their fathers; they also marry into money and social status. Guys marry to beauty and social status. Parents condone this for a set of complicated reasons.
There are certain stereotypes to what a successful couple looks like. The man has to be older by 2-6 years (God forbid he is younger). He has to be rich and educated and works in a stable job that pays a monthly salary (preferably high). Or he works in his father’s business. He has to be from the same social background (God forbid he comes from a lesser social status). Girl has to be pretty, virginal in public, but a sex master in private. She has to be polite (God forbid he is strong) she definitely has to be younger.
Which , lets say is fine… the thing is people don’t look for what really matters, they have chemistry, they understand each other… the belief is that they will learn how to love and understand each other… and if they do from the beginning then wonderful! So no, parents don’t do that… parents think in economics terms, they also think in social alliances terms
Reply