Reem died few days ago
Reem died few days ago, she was 20 years old and died of cancer infused B cel lymphoma, if anyone is interested … well technically that was not the cause of death, but that is beside the point. Reem is related to me, I have met her few months ago at the hospital and I spent some time with her during the last few months…She was a beautiful girl, so tender, so sweet, so full of life… she was also very spoiled and very stubborn.
She could not deal with the way her looks changed with the treatment and with being sick and being in pain all the time, she could not deal with not being able to be this care free little girl who gets away with everything anymore… slowly her life that was filled with laughter and lovely naughtiness and girlish silliness turned into silence, seriousness and depression…. she stopped fighting, and eventually she died…
I am angry for all the pain that her parents, but especially what her dad is going through…. He has been with her all through, while her mother was back home taking her of the other kids not many people can afford bringing the whole family to London for a long time, the woman had no choice. I saw him change her clothes and touch her face with so much tenderness, as if she is two years old… I saw him trying to fight for her, trying to protect her, trying to push her and… Akh… the pain i feel…I can’t even start to express his looks whenever looking at her… Mohamed was not only her father, he was also her friend and her hero. The man is completely shocked; her death did not sink in yet. He went back the next day to the hospital to check if somehow she undied! He could not understand that his little girl was sleeping in the cold morgue… so he just stayed awake… Her body was taken home in a box and her dad could not get over the fact that they are travelling first class and their daughter is travelling with the luggage!
I am also angry at Reem Allah yir7amha, May she be happy in a better place and the whole generation of girls who are just too spoiled to fight, who don’t have a mission in life and who cruise through life without purpose… Why? What happened to our strong Arab women who go through everyday with a set agenda and a real mission, whose capacity of grabbing every day’s troubles and turn them into lessons and benefits… what happened to women like my grandmother who gave birth to my dad on the way from Palestine to Amman? What happened to women who rock the world with their left arms, while taking care of ten kids and are still able to love unconditionally?! What happened with the girls who fought society to be able to study and marry and be happy? What happened to girls who stood in front of laws and defied the whole world for a belief? What has changed in the last ten years that turned us from strong girls back into weak puppets and porcelain dolls who are willing to sacrifice life because we can’t deal with ??!
Il Ba2ieh fee 7ayatek. I am sorry about your loss. Dont be angry at her, her life came to an end and that is why she died, even if she fought she would have still died exactly the same second that she died in.
Desert Rose
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Allah yer7amha wo ysabber ahelha. I'm sorry for your loss madas.
Like Desert Rose said, don't be angry at her. Sickness, especially cancer, is very tough to deal with, I've seen the strongest of people act frustrated after having only a kidney surgery. It's hard to go through and I believe nobody ever gets a true idea of how hard it is unless they were the person experiencing it themselves, in this case your Reem.
Hamzeh
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sorry for your loss Mariam, may God give her family the strength and patience to get through this.
–Oleander
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La 7awla wala qowata ella billah, alf ra7meh 3aleeha, ew allah yesaber ahelha.
PALFORCE
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i'm hareega
mariam cancer defeates monsters, i've seen big brave men fall apart when they got cancer. They feel like their body is betraying them to a mysterious enemy. They feel so defeated and they can do nothing about it.
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Madas – I'm so sorry for your loss. Allah yir7amha ya rab. I cried when I imagined her father the way you described him. I don't know what to say.. Stay strong, and try not to be angry. My thoughts are with you..
- Lulu of CafeLulu
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Dearest;
I know exactly how you feel. In June; my uncle died of Cancer. He used to live abroad, and suddenly he came home straight to the hospital, was diagnosed with a fatal cancer in the later stages. A week later; he stopped talking because he could not talk anymore. We watched him fade away and he could not even understand what was going on around him, so he did not even understand that we loved him so much. 25 days and he was gone.
I am not trying to belittle what you are going through, but I am trying to tell that at least you had the chance to show your love and care, and she got the chance to know that she was loved before she finally let go.
Don't be angry at her; instead forgive her for giving up … I don't think that she knew she was able to fight it and chose not to.
Stand by her family .. this is the best you can do now and pray that she is OK .. at least you know now that she is no longer in pain.
Allah Yer7amha
Khalidah
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Il 3omor ilek,i have goosebumps everywhere on my body, i don't know what to say but i think she wanted to let go & she did. I don't know why i'm touched so much but ur post touched me in certain areas. take care
Lara M
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IL ba2eye bi 7ayatek, u shouldnt be mad at her, i mean its hard to cope with the situation she was going through, she wanted to end her misery and get everyone to move on quicker, its hard to cope knowing people feel pity for you.she just wanted to end that, knowing there was no hope
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yeah, i suppose that is to believ in destiny… it is true of course, but her death seems such a waste. i mean just meaningless… you know?
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Hamzeh, you are right, I suppose feeling are illogical, and irrational… i mean i dont know why the first feeling i felt is anger… i am feeling better now, I think that whole thing started sinking in
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that was me
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Thank you Oleander…I HOPE God helps all families thathave lost loved ones.
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Actually, one of my aunts called me and when i expressed my anger, she told me that that is the only thing we should say in these cases(La 7awl wa la quwata illa billah) anything else would be meaningless….but this whole thing made me wonder how life functions, what is the point of life and death and how it functions…Why God chooses certain people at certain ages… this is just too complex for my brain
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Actually I stopped being angry when i read your comment… I think you are right, she mentioned that she does not understand herself anymore… that she feels disappointed at her own body… I would like to think she went to a better place, where she is not suffering anymore.
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Hala… there is another thing, at the moment of death, her dad told her Reem if you love me dont die, and although she was in a coma she shed a tear and then went… i cried a lot hearing this story, i think she was telling him that she loved him… and that is what really matters.
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Hi Khalida,
Thanks for your post and welcome to my blog. I am beyong anger now… Allah yirhamha and everyone like her….. and you are right, Reem knew she was loved, and that is what really matters… life works in mysterious ways…
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Lara, i think i know why it touched you… i think the whole description of the father has to do with it…. now my psycho-analytical abilities tell me maybe in some subconscious level you imagined that you dont want your father to feel this way ever…and inshallah he will never have to…. i am in Amman now and you are missed lara!
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[...] I have not thought about Reem in a while. Actually, I am a bit dazzled that it has been 2 years since she passed away. I ran into her aunt a couple of days ago. I asked after Reems’s family. I sort of developed an odd kind of friendship with the family under the circumstances. Suha told me that Reem’s parents had a baby boy… it was totally unexpected, as they are in their forties. Still, they are ecstatic about little Yusuf. They felt he is a gift that has been sent to them from God to compensate for the pain they felt for losing Reem. Suha told me that her sister (Reem’s mother) dreamt about Reem one night during her pregnancy. She asked her to name the boy Yusuf after someone she met. She explained that Yusuf is buried next to her. Needless to say, the mother could not wait for the day to break in order to drive to the grave yard. There, she found Yusuf lying next to Reem. I don’t want to get all philosophical about this. It could be simply that the mother saw the grave and internalized the name without realizing it… but to play the devil’s advocate here…is it possible that the dead try to get in touch with us through dreams and other means? Could it be possible that the dead meet and visit each other and have a life of their own, a life that is totally separate from the one we have here? if so, what kind of life is it? Do the same rules that apply here apply there? Are there notions of haram and 3eib in this life? Do they have religions, politics, societies, communities, identities, nationalities, sexuality? Do they have the same elements that make us humans? Is it the next stage after life on earth? I just thought about Memnoch the Devil…. [...]
[...] I have not thought about Reem in a while. Actually, I am a bit dazzled that it has been 2 years since she passed away. I ran into her aunt a couple of days ago. I asked after Reems’s family. I sort of developed an odd kind of friendship with the family under the circumstances. Suha told me that Reem’s parents had a baby boy… it was totally unexpected, as they are in their forties. Still, they are ecstatic about little Yusuf. They felt he is a gift that has been sent to them from God to compensate for the pain they felt for losing Reem. Suha told me that her sister (Reem’s mother) dreamt about Reem one night during her pregnancy. She asked her to name the boy Yusuf after someone she met. She explained that Yusuf is buried next to her. Needless to say, the mother could not wait for the day to break in order to drive to the grave yard. There, she found Yusuf lying next to Reem. I don’t want to get all philosophical about this. It could be simply that the mother saw the grave and internalized the name without realizing it… but to play the devil’s advocate here…is it possible that the dead try to get in touch with us through dreams and other means? Could it be possible that the dead meet and visit each other and have a life of their own, a life that is totally separate from the one we have here? if so, what kind of life is it? Do the same rules that apply here apply there? Are there notions of haram and 3eib in this life? Do they have religions, politics, societies, communities, identities, nationalities, sexuality? Do they have the same elements that make us humans? Is it the next stage after life on earth? [...]