Driven by Curiosity…

I woke up today on the Mad about you, sting which happens to be one of my favorite songs in the world! A song that puts a crusader soldier and a girl from Jerusalem in a desperate love story… Was wondering why this love thing is over used as a theme? Pop music, modern art, books, movies….? why not…I don’t know… friendship, or achievement, or self confidence or whatever… why does it have to be love?
anyway…

I will not go into the philosophy of why people fall in love… the soul mate theory this is my favorite which is that we were creatures of 2 heads and 4 arms that intimidated the gods so they split us down the middle to form a man and a woman and we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half. Or the Celestine way of viewing humans with energy fields around us and when these fields fit.. People would fall in love… or the good old hormones … or the other 589 other theories … because I honestly don’t know why!

I am really curious about the nature of love? Biologists view love as two major factors sexual attraction and attachment… Psychologists’ two factors on the other hand are companionship and passion. But the most best one so far is Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. In this theory, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:

Love Triangle
Liking or friendship: intimacy
Infatuation: passion
Empty love: commitment
Romantic love: intimacy and passion
Companionate love: intimacy and commitment
Fatuous love: passion and commitment
Consummate love: intimacy and passion and commitment

Love vs. Insanity
But what I really loved is that studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance to those with a mental illness! Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. Love, therefore, could more possibly be physical than emotional! Can you relate to majnoun layla?!

And as bdel Haleem says in his fortune teller that “ even though his life is destined to be a book of tears and a confinement between water and fire. Despite the sadness that remains with us day and night, despite the rainy windy weather, love will be forever the best fate…”

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While S. has been having serious problems with her ultra cool boyfriend’ fits of a severe cough, fever and allergy! (Kind of reminds me of my dad, when he heard a boy’s name mentioned when we were younger! Maybe this is men’s reaction whenever trapped in a corner?… just a thought ) … Whenever the word commitment is hinted. J has been having serious problems with her fiancé of two years, wanting her to leave her glorious career and dedicate the coming 10 years to have 4 children in 4 or 5 years maximum!! This paradox got the three of us on a discussion about men and the way they view commitment!

Men and women view commitment from different angles… while we play bride and groom with our bad kid neighbor since very early childhood… I am kidding! with our dolls I wanted to say but this seemed more like fun… anyway… we grow up thinking a beautiful house, a nice loving husband that makes all our mean high school girl friends jealous and a bunch of adorable kids running around… we think of commitment as an achievement, as security as safety and as a revenge from every girl who was bad to us! As a fulfillment of all these dreams that are rooted very deeply in us… well obviously society plays a major role here.

Men on the other hand see commitment as something quite different. To men, commitment means goodbye to freedom! A man has only one choice when he leaves school go to work and become successful.. He can't just “leave and sit home” when he is married. He has to think about his wife and children. Thus, when a man thinks of commitment, he sees a lifetime of struggle and expectations… And with the high materialistic demands girls have been putting on guys… Nah… I don’t think so!

I had to look in the psyche of caveman to understand this instinctive fear of commitment ultra cool boyfriend , yet this amazing desire to reproduce the demanding fiancé , and true to my expectations we have an answer…

Ok, this is crude, but it is also interesting. Cavemen were polygamist… Polygamy was a survival mechanism… they had to spread their seeds in order for the human race to survive, more women had to have more children…so they slept around…. This instinct that pushed men away from commitment which is monogamy, towards polygamy is what is giving the boyfriend the fever… it is a deeply rooted instinct! But since the world has changed, and civilization prevailed and men no longer can get away with this as an excuse… the very same instinct is what pushes the fiancé to want children thus commitment!

What does that mean? Commitment for men means fewer opportunities to have sex which means fewer opportunities to spreading the seeds… but while on the one hand for social, religious, ethical simply love! Men chose to be monogamist I am cutting you slack guys and on the other hand, they are still controlled by this instinct to survive and to reproduce… they chose to get married and have as many children as fast as possible! Hoping they will have many chances to spread the seed with their wives!

Interesting. No?

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