Strict parents- results of the poll!
In a recent poll, Jordan planet has done about young getting in trouble , I thought the results were really interesting. 38% thought that parents are too easy, 29% thought that parents are too strict… and 10% thought that parents have no effect at all on our behavior!
I have always thought that my parents were very strict, and when i talk to younger ladies, they always complain that their parents are too strict. In Jordan, we are generally more receptive to strict parents than in other cultures as we have seen. Obviously it has to do with our culture, where strict parenting could in fact be taken as a sign of love and a definite sign of care and protection, especially for girls.
The teen years should be a time in which the reins of responsibility are passed from parent to child. In the early teen years, parents have a right to have their opinions prevail, simply because a person at that stage does not have the social skills or maturity to handle many pressures. As young people progress through the teen years, they should be ready to accept more and more responsibility, so that by the age of 18, they should be totally making their personal decisions… Which is something most probably does not apply in our society. As parents do no loosen their iron hand till we are married!Which is one of the main reasons why girls get married early, they feel they will gain their freedom once they are married!
On the other hand, parents need to set limits because children require structure and boundaries, so they grow up to be adults with good morals and values. As kids we always think our parents are too strict but in the long run we realize why they were and we also realize we are happy we turned out the way we did. Actually a research has shown that the number of child crime has increased a lot in recent years because parents treat their children as their friends and not as their children!
So to all my younger friends… if you think your parents are strict, dont be upset, it is actually ok… maybe you should talk to them reasonably, because once they feel you are mature, the iron hand gets loose! I am an example of this… In my family we used to have meetings where we all come to the meeting with ideas and things we would like to change or discuss. My parents believed that if my sisters and brothers and I help to set up the boundaries and give our opinions about certain issues than we are more likely to follow the rules, which were actually good rules, because by discussions we got them to compromise on a lot of things.
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Actually here, being strict with our children is taken the other way around, it is taken as if we are intrusive and we dont trust them. This is what media promotes. It is sad really, since i see many of our young ladies and men get in trouble becuase we, parents, can't do much about it. I guess this is something positive in your culture, even if you are not aware of it.
Rose Keplling
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Teenagers have a great need for recognition, respect, and feedback on their emerging independent self-identities. The main reason for teenage rebelliousness is that they are forced to seek this respect solely from their peers by competing in “bold and defiant” actions, after they fail to receive any of it from their parents.
Take smoking for example, most of my friends in high-school became smokers, initially, as a form of asserting their independence from ever forbidding parents. As a teenager, my parents made it clear to me that if I was going to smoke or drink alcohol, to go ahead and do it at home, and not behind their back. My mom neither smoked nor drank, and my dad didn't smoke and only had a drink on rare occasions; but cigarettes and alcohol were always available at home (mostly for guests), and I had free access to them with my parents approval. I tried cigarettes, but I didn't like the taste they left in my mouth, and I didn't enjoy alcohol all that much either. I don't smoke now, and my drinking consists of a Corona maybe twice a year. Not being forbidden smoking or drinking eliminated the “challenge” factor, and I was left only with their bitter taste in my mouth!
In this and other ways, my parents showed respect for my new individuality, and this was reinforced by the unexpected respect I was treated with by the teachers when I transfered to the Bacaloria school. When you get respect and a listening ear as a teenager, most of the urge to rebel is gone!
-Ziad
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