A light divorce….
I would still write after my silly emotional outburst yesterday… but I promise it was not a cry for attention as much as a strong emotional reaction to some feedback I was given when I was off guard…. In a bad moment I wanted to throw everything out of the window I sometimes react too strongly and feel stupid afterwards Anyway… to answer a question Nader asked once, where do I know these people from? I have always been involved in social work… and through this work I have met many interesting people that do not follow the same streamline we follow in our daily routines… also, I am the type who chats with everyone, maids, sales people, doctors, taxi drivers… and oh boy the stories you hear… but really the best well of stories you could ever imagine if you are one of those people who have a natural eagerness to learn from life is available in Saudi, when all these women are sitting around without anything to do… just open your ears and indulge….
Anyway… I caught my friend S. online few days ago. S. appears to have made an awful mess of her life. I don’t know any one who has covered so much ground in such a short space of time. Since her graduation she has been married, has had a baby boy and lost him at birth, divorced her husband, quarreled with her family. There seems to have been no reason for her divorce from the ORDINARY point of view; the marriage just simply didn’t work. They weren’t compatible… She was brought up on the theory that MARRIAGE is not only siter for a women but an achievement… “siter is another word that I hate especially when coupled with the word marriage, as if women are daireen 3ala 7il sha3irhom waiting for this Mr. man to yustorhom! ikh… sometimes our culture has hateful expressions.
When she finished university, she was naturally eager to start on her career, but M.’s family presented themselves in the old fashioned way. Her family scanned him and his family closely, and found him perfect in every respect…good family, good morals, good Financial position, good looking. S. was in love with him. Ever since she was 16 her mother was taking her to every wedding in Amman maybe ibn il 7alal would see her… She had a big wedding and lots of new clothes and dozens of embroidered towels. Everything looked propitious.
But as they began to get acquainted, they realized they were fundamentally different… they didn’t like the same books or jokes or people or amusements…. they did not share the same political opinions, or religious principals or even methods of children raising…. they often found themselves on two different extremes. I suppose most traditional, orthodox people would think it awful to break up a marriage on such innocent grounds. It seemed so to me at first; but as she went on piling up detail on detail each trivial in itself, but making a mountainous total, I agreed with S. that it was awful to keep it going. It wasn’t really a marriage; it was a mistake. So one morning at breakfast, when the subject of what they should do for the summer came up, she said quite casually that she thought she would research on how she could get a divorce without so much fuss… and for the first time in years he agreed with her.
You can imagine the outraged feelings of her ultra conservative family had. In all the seven generations that have been tracked on the family tree. They have NEVER had anything so scandalous like this to record in the family history. It all comes from giving women too much freedom…. “If he had only got drunk and dragged me about by the hair,” S. wailed, “it would have been legitimate; but because we didn’t actually throw things at each other, no one could see any reason for a divorce.” The pathetic part of the whole business is that both she and M. were admirably fitted to make some one else happy. They just simply didn’t match each other; and when two people don’tmatch, all the ceremonies in the world can’t marry them…. I told you guys society IS changing!