Driven by Curiosity…

I had a nice chat with Elena at 1:30 AM yesterday. Grandmother has been sleeping in our room, and so Elena had to move to a different one. So out of solidarity I moved with her to her new room.

Obviously that means chatting for a long time to talk about TOUT LE MONDE! We discussed our relationship with our parents, dad to be specific. My Father always wanted us to be extraordinary; he always put a great weight on this point. All through our lives my parents put so much effort and sacrificed a lot for this purpose. For my parents’ social and financial circumstances, they did almost the impossible, definitely more than what others is their social circle did. They had to fight family and society to give us the chances that were given to us. Unfortunately after all that effort, we turned out to be quite NORMAL! We made different choices than what my parents expected or were hoping for us to make, we live the lives of ordinary people and we have the very same problems and difficulties of everyone else

Which is apparently a taciturn disappointment for my dad.

Through my life, I had a difficulty making friends, simply because it was very difficult for me to find people who meet my very high standards that my dad instilled in my brain. Everyone seemed very silly and shallow for my taste; I always felt I was more advanced or better. Once I was talking to Natasha (who also has high standards for people) about someone and I said this person is silly and Natasha surprised me by saying that the person is actually quite smart and not silly at all… that made me realize that my standards might be too harsh because they don’t have room for human spontaneity.

Many of our friends are getting married, and both Elena and I spent some time talking to these people. We gathered from the ladies, that many of their husbands actually can’t afford to be married and so they take some allowance from their parents! This was actually SHOCKING. This is totally unaccepted to any of us. We also realized that these ladies do not cook, because it is either not cool to know how to cook or they don’t have time for it, and for both of us, this is bullshit! All three of us (Hania, Mariam and Elena) are either looking into higher degrees or doing one, for all of us it is absolutely rejected to ask anyone to pay for that, even though it is so damn expensive….

We could not reach a conclusion whether my father’s strict requirements are fair or not, if they are actually good or bad, I mean after all I am quite Happy to be who I am, and I really don’t wish to be like anyone else or any different.

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I went to my first Yoga class ever, what a fascinating experience! The first request was to take off our shoes, because we need to divert the energy to the floor. The music started, it was very soothing, the instructor asked us to close our eyes and relax, and as we were in a peaceful state, she was inviting us to shift our focus from one millimeter of our bodies to the next. She asked us to do the same exercise after two intense hours of meditating and moving different muscles, all accompanied with the sensual music, and her very serene voice.

The difference between the before and after was that before, every single muscle that was the center of attention has “twitched” and after, I barely could keep myself from falling asleep! I was RELAXED. It was so cool to think of my body as independent parts, and give each one of the pieces my undivided attention.

I went home and picked a book called Memnoch the devil, an older book by Anne rice. Vampires stories are not my cup of tea, but since I have no other books at the moment, I thought what the heck. As I read the fist paragraph, I was captured! The sentence “ I saw him when he came through the front doors. Tall, solidly built, dark brown hair and eyes, skin still fairly dark because it had been dark when I’d made him a vampire. Walking a little too fast, but basically passing for a human being. My beloved David” took my breath away.

It triggered a restless feeing in my subconscious that haunted me through the night. I still don’t know where it came from, or why a vampirebook would create. Yoga escorted with a passionate and fervent love story was a startling combination for a night of bizarre dreams, with so much smoke and tribal music, vampires, weird costumes and people and events I don’t think about usually… I could not wait to wake up wanting to suck the information out of that book hoping to understand why.

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